The apostrophe, a punctuation mark used for centuries to indicate contraction or possession, passed away last week after decades of neglect and abuse.  Its age was unknown.

Rumors about the apostrophe’s ill health have been rampant since the announcement in January 2009 that the English city of Birmingham would be removing all apostrophes from its street signs to prevent confusion, and City Councilor Martin Mullaney claimed, despite evidence to the contrary, that GPS systems failed when forced to find an address that contained an apostrophe.    

However, the death knell may have been sounded two weeks ago during a broadcast of Saturday Night Live, when the apostrophe was twice forced to appear in Justin Bieber’s expression a’ight.  Close associates of the apostrophe say it was so ashamed that it finally lost the will to live.

Although there is no historical agreement on when the apostrophe was born, it had been around since well before the Shakespearean era and appeared frequently in such works as Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales.  For centuries it was a stirring symbol of the Queen’s English, enabling formal marriages between words like you and are, or will and not.  The apostrophe did have its rakish side, notably its pre-CGI triple appearance in the word fo’c’s’le, but that was a rare occurrence.

Things began to change for the apostrophe in the 1960s – or, as it came to be known, the ‘60s – as greater informality began to require the apostrophe to appear more frequently, as in song titles like “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’.” The apostrophe began to participate in casual hookups such as don’cha, and began to encourage the dropping of multiple syllables, as in ‘Nam.

Thus began a rapid decline in the apostrophe’s public image.  Grammarian friends shook their heads in sadness when the apostrophe kicked out the first syllable of parents to form ‘rents, and grimaced at the growing popularity of ‘nuf said.  It was rumored that friends tried unsuccessfully to steer the apostrophe into a 12-step program.

The arrival of the computer age was a crushing blow to the aging apostrophe.  Forced to work 24/7 and unable to get any rest, the apostrophe began frequently wandering into its and your, rather than it’s and you’re, to the growing embarrassment of close relatives.

There was the bewildering incident at Wrigley Field in 2008 when the apostrophe, assigned to appear in the new statue of Cub great Ernie Banks and his expression “let’s play two” instead wandered off and appeared mistakenly on the statue of broadcaster Harry Caray in the engraving, "Let me hear 'ya ..."   

Some admirers of the apostrophe tried to rescue it from its sad decline.  A group calling itself the Typo Eradication Advancement League (T.E.A.L.) staged guerilla attempts to correct punctuation in public signs all across the United States.  However, this campaign failed when its leaders were arrested at the Grand Canyon as they tried to insert a missing apostrophe on a sign at the South Rim and were arrested for defacing federal property.   

Tributes to the late apostrophe poured in from all over the world.  

“This is truly sad news,” said New York Jets tackle D’Brickashaw Ferguson. “I always felt like the apostrophe was an integral part of me.”

“This is a big blow to me personally,” said Felix Cavaliere, former lead singer of the Rascals. “’Groovin’” and “’Good Lovin’” just won’t sound the same if I have to pronounce the g.”  

“’E had a great ‘ead and a great ‘eart,” said Bertie Gobsmack of East London. “’Ere’s ‘opin’ ‘e’s ‘appy in ‘eaven.”

The apostrophe is survived by the semicolon, which is also believed to be in poor health, and the emoticon, which is disturbingly healthy.  A public service will be held at Saint Patrick’s Cathedral, featuring a vocal tribute from a reunited ‘N Sync.

In lieu of flowers, the family of the deceased is asking everyone to write letters of apology to their English teachers.