Did I suddenly get old?  Or does American pop culture really suck?  (And that’s not a vampire joke.)

I didn’t realize my level of disengagement from American culture until I received a renewal notice from Entertainment Weekly this weekend and realized I had no interest in receiving the magazine any more. I’d subscribed almost since its start 20 years ago and I used to devour the contents as I tried to keep up with the latest trends in mass media.  Now I skim through it in five minutes, with as much interest as I give the content-free Us while sitting in the doctor’s waiting room.

It seems very little in mainstream American culture piques my interest any more.  Among the things I disdain: vampires (sorry, Densie), comic-book heroes, sci-fi, movies with more explosions than intelligent lines of dialogue, movies that are even worse than the stupid TV shows they were based on, movies with Roman numerals in the title, vapid pop stars whose IQs are about the same as their dress size, rock “legends” who are 20 years past their expiration dates, rappers with more tattoos than obscenity-free lyrics, reality-TV morons who, if I saw them crossing the street, I’d run a red light at high speed and figure I’d be doing the world a favor, and books by idiot celebrities who couldn’t spell cat if you spotted them the “c” and the “a.” (Yes, I’ve used that joke before; it’s a classic.)  Have I left anything out?

I guess that makes me a snob.  I hate being a snob.  Snobs are people I disdain.  I want to love mainstream entertainment, and there is some I enjoy.  I have man-crushes on Paul Rudd, Justin Timberlake and Hugh Laurie, I think Beyonce is a goddess, and I’d gladly adopt Taylor Swift.  I’ve read all the Harry Potter books and I’d love to get stoned with Harold & Kumar.  I’ve got Stephen King and Janet Evanovich books on my night stand.  Unfortunately, that only covers about .0001 % of the crap that’s foisted on the poor American consumer.  It’s not that pop culture is providing empty calories; it provides no calories at all.  Instead of a bag of Doritos, it’s giving us wilted iceberg lettuce.

I’m embarrassed that the only films I see now are in art cinemas, but would it hurt Hollywood to come up with a story that doesn’t sound as if it was put together by a teenage boy during a game of Mad Libs? The only mainstream movie I’ve seen in the last nine months was James Cameron’s idiotic Avatar – and I was dragged to that - where a gazillion dollars were spent and much electricity consumed to create a message about not wasting our natural resources and acts of violence were committed on screen to spread a message of peace.  Thanks a lot, Jim. 

There are some modern bands I like – Vampire Weekend and the xx are in heavy rotation on my iPod and I’m really looking forward to the new Arcade Fire CD next week – but many of the “buzzed”-about performers should be approached with a fly swatter.  I listening to the “hot” new band Sleigh Bells, but it was just a clattering noise to me; yes, a little of it was catchy, but so are STDs.  I’m not anti-hip-hop – I just got the new Roots CD – but if I have to listen to Kanye brag one more time about his legend-in-his-own-mind status, Imma hurl Flavor Flav’s clock at his forehead.  I have absolutely no idea what anyone sees in M.I.A.  And I’ve already made my feelings known about Lady GagGag.

Don’t get me started on reality-TV.  Too late.   I know there are people on OS who I deeply respect who watch a few of these abominations, so I’ll bite my tongue a little.  But it’s just sad to me that America has come to this – people wishing to become rich and famous without doing anything except letting cameras into their homes (hi, Jon and Kate’s eight, hope you’ve got a nice therapist picked out), and millions of people who are willing to laugh at them every week.

And perhaps the reason I’m contemptuous of these shows is that many of them prompt you to be contemptuous of the participants.  There is a meanness to American culture now that often we no longer laugh with, but laugh at.  All of this reminds me of Borat, a movie I loathed and thought a mean-spirited piece of crap.  It was elitist in its (carefully edited) depiction of the poor, ignorant little people it cleverly stacked the deck against. OK, that’s a rant for another day, but while I may have a “cranky” nature, I still have the ability to feel empathy, and I’m disgusted when other people don’t.

We laugh sneeringly at Lindsay Lohan who, for goodness sake, just turned 24.  I don’t know about you, but when I was 24, I was a total dumbass.  And unlike her, I didn’t have parents from hell and too much money at too young an age.  Whatever happened to “walk a mile in their shoes?”

We've succeeded all too well at reducing everything to the lowest common denominator.  We've created an America where intelligence and true wit are no longer considered assets.  No wonder so many people can actually picture Sarah Palin in the White House.  Can't anybody refudiate that?

My disgust with pop culture today is so deep and total that I can’t even bring myself to start watching a show I assume I would enjoy.  Like Mad Men.  Parts of it even take place in my actual hometown of Ossining, NY, so you would think I’d be drawn to it.  However, I just have no interest in  consuming my limited free time with catching up with the three years of episodes I’ve missed, and nothing will make me change my mind.  Except maybe a Christina Hendricks nude scene.