“Attention, shoppers!
“Please be advised that there are other customers in the store beside you. It would be very helpful if you would not leave your cart in the middle of the aisle while choosing a box of cereal or talking to a friend. Please pull the cart to the side so other shoppers can get around. This is especially true if you are at the beginning of an aisle. In addition, it would be helpful if you continued to face forward while pushing your cart to prevent collisions.
“Please be advised that the new self-scanner can be a tricky device to use and sometimes is balky. If you could not stop the “12:00” from flashing on your VCR, it is recommended that you do not use the self-scanner.
“Please be advised that if you are wearing low-rider jeans and you bend over to get something from the lowest shelf, you will be revealing more of your can goods than is recommended. Just sayin’.
“Please be advised that the aisle marked “12 Items or Less” is calculated in base-10 numerals not base-64. Twelve means a dozen, as in eggs.
“Please be advised that, when we are ringing up your order, it is not a good time to be chatting with your best friend on your cell phone about your hard day at work. It is recommended that you put down the phone and help bag your groceries in consideration to your fellow shoppers in line behind you.
“Please be advised that the checkout clerks did not program the computer, so if an incorrect price appears after scanning, it is not their fault. Do not yell at them.
“Please be advised that you should not ask the young men who work here to help you bag your groceries. Since they can’t even pull up their pants, you can’t expect them to put your milk and bread in separate bags.
“Please be advised that customers do not like to hear kids at the checkout counter screaming because they can’t have a Kit Kat bar. Yes, we put the chocolate bars at the check-out counter. It is a test of your parental skills and you are failing.
“Please be advised that when backing out of your parking space, there may be other customers pushing their cart and walking their children behind you. In the interest of safety, please put down the cell phone until you have arrived home.
“Thank for shopping at your friendly neighborhood supermarket, where the customer is #1, and have a nice day.”
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jmac1949
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Comments
R
Excellent and rated with hugs
~If you decide not to buy those frozen lima beans do so at the check out, and not just leave them on the shelf with cereals. Thank you !
Rated.
Yes. I didn't even hear the splash when it hit me.
The mom: "Oh, oops, I thought he was all done with that!"
"Please be advised that some customers are armed with tasers and will use them on you if you invade their personal space while standing in line."
Stores need to play nice, too. I once complained at a local Safeway because they'd put stacks of things in the middle of the aisles--stuff that was on sale or whatever. The aisles are only wide enough for two carts to pass each other, so the "stacks" created a bottleneck one-way in every aisle, and also covered up stuff on the shelves behind the stacks that I needed. I told them I'd stop shopping there if they kept doing that. Apparently other people felt the same way, since they did cut it out. I know that was probably a Recession-driven stunt, but still.
Another good one, Crankster! Your post, I mean.
Lezlie
-R-
Rated.
I wish more stores would put the yogurt and the health foods consumed by the younger babes on more of the lower shelves!
There are also many folks for whom the proposition that they will be asked to pay for their groceries once the groceries are rung up comes comes as a total, stunning, earth-shaking surprise. They make no attempt whatsoever to commence that endless search for their money or checkbook until the total has been announced to them at least twice.
Or, please be advised that the checker who has a conversation with the person ahead of you while checking and then a conversation with the person behind you while checking your groceries isn't making an editorial comment about your personality, they're just rude.
Happy Blogging,
Heather
You are a keen observer of the 'human condition'. To write about it in a humourous manner is a talent. Kudos - and thank you for leaving me a reminder about this article.
Also, if I see you zooming past an elderly woman to get that handicapped parking space, and you get out and jog across the parking lot, I will make sure you actually need that blue and white sticker on your license plate.
Mhmm. Thank you.