We’re always complaining about the spammers here at OS, but have we really taken the time to get to know them?   I decided to take the first step towards tolerance, so I reached out to Mary Lin and she agreed to the following interview.

Hello, Mary.

Hello, everybody.  Thanks for the invitation, Cranky.

You’re welcome.  Mary, I just love the autumn – the crisp air, the foliage.  What’s your favorite time of the year?

Oh, it’s got to be the burning hot summer.  I get to wear my Ed Hardy bikini ($25) and my Armaini sunglasses ($16) and I’m good to go.  Of course, to keep my pasty blogger’s face from being sunburned, I also wear a New Era cap ($15).  Don’t want to get melanoma!

I think it’s spelled Armani.  What’s your favorite activity during the burning hot summer?

I just love to facelift bar.  I wish I could do it every day.

Excuse my ignorance, but I’m unfamiliar with the term “facelift bar.”  What is it exactly?

It’s a spammer thing.  You wouldn’t understand.

Is there someone special in your life?  Does Ms. Mary Lin have a significant other?   

Well, I like to keep my personal life private, Cranky, but it’s well known in the spamosphere that I’m in a committed long-term relationship with Tryuyt Reytr.  I feel like we’re soulmates.  Sometimes it feels like we’re thinking the same thoughts, like we could complete each other’s sentences. It feels like we’re one and the same person.

Sounds heavenly.  I’m jealous.

Well, it’s not perfect.  On Sundays, he gets into the live streaming of the NFL broadcasts, so that’s when I go to the good shopping place.  I guess I'm a football widow.

Let’s get down and dirty.  What is Mary Lin’s biggest turn-on?

FREE SHIPPING, of course!  Oh, and of course, Mr. Reytr in his True Religion jeans ($30) and his Air Jordans ($33), with a tight Polo t-shirt ($16).  Hubba hubba, talk about a hunk?  He’s got that James Dean thing goin’ on.  Makes me want him to click on my link, know what I’m sayin’?

I do know what you’re sayin’.  What is Mary Lin’s biggest turn-off?

Bad speling.   And bloggers who delete my comments.  I have feelings too, you know!

What is your most prized possession?

I just love the Ugg boots I got for just $50.  I wear them whenever I facelift bar, and suddenly I feel like I’m Marilyn Monroe.  I’m named after her, you know.

You are?

Yes, silly, Mary Lin is just Marilyn with the vowels switched.

I didn’t realize that.  Do you have a favorite OS blogger?

Well, there are a lot of wonderful shoppers – I mean, writers - here at OS, and I want to thank Joan Walsh and Kerry Lauerman for making me feel welcome by immediately making themselves favorites on my blog.  How thoughtful of them!   But my absolute favorite would be Tinkertink69.  He acknowledges our presence and seems to understand our needs.  I greatly appreciate that.  That's why we give him extra-special attention.

I’ve noticed that you’ve left hundreds of comments, but you’ve never blogged yourself.  Why is that?

Off-topic?  Really?  When someone is writing about their unemployment, is it off-topic to suggest that people spend money and stimulate the economy?  When someone is writing about their mental issues, is it off-topic to suggest that buying yourself a new wardrobe might give you a psychological boost?  When someone is writing about the love of their life, is it off-topic to suggest that buying something might make that special someone feel even more appreciated?  Off-topic?  I think my comments couldn’t be more ON-topic!  

Good points, Mary. Well, this has been very enlightening.  I think we’re all going to look at spammers in a different light.  Are all of the spammers as nice as you?

Well, no.  We have a rule in the spamosphere: the fewer the vowels, the greater the dickishness.  But now I have to go help a Nigerian prince who can’t get at his money.  You know the spammer’s credo: Always lend a helping hand to another spammer in need.

I thank you for your time, Mary.