One thing I’ve learned from publishing my book of political satire is that nobody wants to read political satire. What they want to read is mind-numbing genre fiction, i.e. anything with heaving bosoms, wisecracking gumshoes or brain-eating zombies. Oh, and weight loss books; people love their fad diets.
Well, I believe in giving the customer what he wants, so I’ve decided to rename my book, replacing Send In the Clown Car with something more consumer-friendly. Here are some titles I’m considering:
Barack Obama, Vampire Hunter: A young President does battle with the ghouls who want to suck all of the health care, reproductive rights and economic opportunity out of the American citizenry. But is his battle plan too ineffective, and does it even increase the body count? After all, there is a lot at stake.
Fifty Shades of Red and Blue (States): An erotic S & M fantasy in which politicians enjoy bondage to special interests and voters in turn enjoy getting whipped by the politicians’ harmful policy proposals. A lascivious tale so steamy that readers will need a cold shower (because they can’t afford heat).
Harry Reid and the Deathly House Vote: The wizard of the Senate fights for control of the Congressional world by doing battle with the Orange Lord, Boehnermort.
The Hunger Blames: The political parties accuse each other of ruining North America and settle their differences with a contest involving bows and arrows mudslinging.
Game of Drones: Republicans and Democrats battle for the White House throne by seeing who can talk the longest without saying anything of substance. (Note: the Afghan and Pakistani editions of Game of Drones may have a slightly different story.)
The Girl With the Draggin’ Economy: An unsuccessful political journalist investigates the disappearance of a young woman’s employment and educational opportunities during a deep recession. Not for the faint of heart.
Go the Fuck to Sleep: Sorry, that’s not my book title, that’s just me yelling at Fox News.
The Hunt for Purple October: The candidates battle in the crucial swing states, hoping to lure enough defectors to turn them red or blue.
“Mitt,” My Dad Says: The ridiculous, politically incorrect comments from an angry old man who supports the Republican agenda.
I Is for Idiots: Private Investigator Kinsey Milhone tries to track down the killer of intelligent political discourse in America and is stunned by the number of suspects.
Vote to Live: The author argues that if you follow his advice and vote for his candidate, within 30 days you will lose 30 pounds, the federal budget will be balanced, everyone will be employed, worldwide peace will be achieved, and did I mention the 30 pounds?
Honestly, none of those new titles appeals to me, so I’ll keep the original. However, I will change the book’s subtitle. From now on, The Race to the White House will be replaced by The Race to Be Bossypants.