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Cranky Cuss

Cranky Cuss
Location
Ossining, New York, United States
Birthday
February 28
Bio
I am the author of "Send In the Clown Car: The Road to the White House 2012," currently available on Amazon and CreateSpace. I'm currently semi-retired after 23 years in a corporate environment. My motto: The conventional wisdom has too much convention, not enough wisdom. Corollary: Even Einstein was wrong sometimes, and you're not Einstein.

MY RECENT POSTS

Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 5, 2012 10:53AM

Final Words From a Republican Candidate

Rate: 30 Flag

I am a Republican.

I don’t believe people should be required to carry a government-issued ID because that’s the first step toward Big Brother. I also don’t believe people should be allowed to vote unless they carry a government-issued ID.

I am a Republican.

I believe that Democratic concerns about voter suppression on Election Day are unwarranted because all a voter needs to present is a valid ID. I don’t believe Barack Obama’s Hawaiian birth certificate is legitimate and therefore he is not a citizen of the United States.

I am a Republican.

I believe we need to carefully regulate who gets to cast a vote on Election Day. I don’t believe we need to carefully regulate who gets to buy a semiautomatic weapon.

I am a Republican.

I don’t believe government can create jobs. If I am elected, I will create 12 million new jobs.

I am a Republican.

I have a plan that will cut taxes, reduce the deficit and eventually balance the budget. Trust us on the math. Also trust us on science, like evolution and global warming being hoaxes.

I am a Republican.

I don’t believe that the government is capable of running a health care system. I believe Barack Obama should keep his hands off Medicare.

I am a Republican.

I believe that the #1 job of Republican Congressmen was to do everything possible to make Barack Obama a one-term President. I believe that Barack Obama has failed in his promise to be bipartisan and make the environment in Washington more co-operative.

I am a Republican.

I don’t believe that the government should intrude in our private decisions. I believe we must give pregnant women transvaginal ultrasounds before they decide to get abortions.

I am a Republican.

I am pro-life. I am also an enthusiastic supporter of capital punishment and war.

I am a Republican.

I don’t believe a woman can get pregnant if she is raped because the female body has a way of shutting that whole thing down. I don’t believe in sex education so don’t ask me to explain the biological details of “that whole thing.”

I am a Republican.

I believe that America is strengthened by stable family units. I don’t believe that gay people should be allowed to form stable family units.

I am a Republican.

I believe in fairness and equality. For example, I believe that it is only fair that our schools teach both evolution and creationism equally.

I am a Republican.

I believe that Barack Obama was derelict in his duties when he ignored security warnings that resulted in the deaths of four Americans in Benghazi, Libya on September 11, 2012. I believe that George W. Bush bears no responsibility for ignoring intelligence warnings that resulted in the deaths of 3,000 Americans on September 11, 2001.

I am a Republican.

I believe that Barack Obama was dishonest for initially giving the wrong reasons for the Benghazi attack. I believe that George W. Bush made an honest mistake when he declared that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and used that as grounds to invade that country.

I am a Republican.

I believe that there was violence in the Middle East during the Bush Administration because they hate our freedoms. I believe that there was violence in the Middle East during the Obama Administration because he failed to project forceful leadership.

I am a Republican.

I believe that Ronald Reagan was the greatest President of my lifetime because he never raised taxes and he reduced the Federal deficit. I believe that you can verify those facts in a history book.

I am a Republican.

I don’t respect anyone who hates Ronald Reagan, hates religion, and supports abortion rights. I’m a devoted follower of the teachings of Ayn Rand.

I am a Republican.

I believe the Muslim nations are dangerous because they impose their religious beliefs on government policy. I believe America must get back to its Christian roots, with prayer in school, the Ten Commandments posted in our public buildings, and laws on sexuality and reproduction governed by religious teachings.

I am a Republican.

I believe we should live by the teachings of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. I believe that when Jesus reportedly said, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” and advised people to “Turn the other cheek” and insisted on chasing the money lenders from the Temple, he was badly misquoted.

I am a Republican.

This past weekend marked the end of Daylight Savings Time, so I hope you remembered on Saturday night to turn back the clock. When you go to cast your ballot tomorrow, remember to turn back the clock to the policies of the previous Administration.

Author tags:

election, republicans, ayn rand

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Comments

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The fecocteh clock they want to turn back, they want it to turn back to 1927, before the New Deal.

R.
You nailed this - all of the hypocrisies wrapped up in a neat and terrifying little package. Well done.
You make it all so very clear.
Scary but real.
Very much rated
Cranky, you are a genius! I've got to share this with my Republican friends to irritate them.
Well done, breaux! You summed it up nicely. Just remember to keep your head down tomorrow! Geaux Vote!
I came over here expecting to have to wait 20 minutes to read and rate this after reading it on another channel. I got on immediately and that told me the powers to be wants everyone to read this- hence easy access..:)

BRILLIANT..
HUGGGGGGGGGGGG
This came in the nick of time. I think NOW I can decide for whom my ballot polls.
This is freakin' brilliant! I'm sharing this all over the place. There still might be a handful of "undecideds" who could benefit from this clear-eyed summary of the Republican conversation. Way to go, Crankster!

Lezlie
Rated 4 or 5 times, but I'm afraid only one of them stuck.
You keep outdoing yourself, Cranky. Succinct and hilarious. Super-rated.
This was excellent and should be in every republican's wallet. I have some republicans (including my son, oh vey) I let deer hunt on my land.The landlord gave me the rights to it because of the fighting and killing that goes on (seriously). I just went and asked them who Ayn Rand was? Not one person had a clue. I told them she was the democrat Obama put in charge of taking their guns away in Washington, hah! Dumb as stumps, all of them, including and unfortunately, my son. (I didn't mention that she was an atheist, they had guns:-)
Woo-hoo! Let's party like it's 1899! Cuss, spot on on all of your points! R
Don't know what happened I only pressed once and then got an error screen!
Genius. Absolute genius.
They obviously want to appeal to the thoughtful intellectuals of the country.

Here's who REALLY runs things no matter who you elect. (video)

The Big Boss You Don't Get To Elect

This'll open your eyes......!
(My thanks to Dr. Bramhall)
.
Uh oh..... That link may not work. I'll try to get one that does.
.
All the candidates end their spiel with "God Bless America"
Tiny Tim...said :" God Bless Us All....Everyone."
I say..."God help us...please..."

To the victor goes the spoils.....
And so forth and so on.
There's an East is East, West is West, koan-like quality to this Cranky. Fine compilation of what to we western rationalists seem seem spectacular contradictions. It would help if I could take that leap of faith and embrace the moving in mysterious ways philosophy.
Bless you, Cranky. I say that as someone with republican relatives.
nice work. if facts mattered, obama would be elected. but i'm not sure it matters much. voting for any politician ensures a politician will rule, and that isn't working out very well.
Great piece and will post on fb!
Thanks for the Ayn Rand clips. They represent an oasis in the intellectual desert that is your post and most of its comments.
If you have a well-funded propaganda system and a useful idiot audience, coherence isn't needed. The GOP is free to run against the massive debt and economic collapse they created, at least among the delusional True Believers.

Gordon, the minute you write something that even touches on the border of a Venn diagram grouping of all things intellectual, I'll be the first to acknowledge the Halley's comet-like event. Or do you think writing political fantasy with the emotional thrust of a 13 year old clique-kvetching on Facebook is intellectual?
This is absolutely brilliant -- and it ought to devastate any thinking person who remains a Republican -- but it won't.
@PJ
Don't be so hard on poor Gordon; he's actually to be pitied. He's UncleChris without the infantile conviction and Johnny Fever without the inadvertent humor
@PJ
Don't be so hard on poor Gordon; he's actually to be pitied. He's UncleChris without the infantile conviction and Johnny Fever without the inadvertent humor
So, so brilliant. This was just perfect. Luckily, not everyone took the advice in the last paragraph!
I fear that many Republicans would not understand this at all. Especially since now they are all in such a state of shock.
Highly rated. This is very well done, and frightening in how true it reflects the schizoid make up of the Republican Party.
/r
You might have titled it "I am a Hypocrite." Should have included something about repealing the 19th Amendment. I saw a Fox "guest" lamenting women's right to vote because they "make the wrong decisions" a while back. 1927 sounds about right.

What's amazing to me is that they don't see their own hypocrisy.
They seem to live in their own little "fact-free bubble" where facts can be ignored. Their reaction to those that point out the hypocrisy is name calling: socialist, communist, n-lover, gay-lover, libtard. I've heard them all. I think they suffer from "ostrich" syndrome.
I don't know why I'm just now seeing this (well, yes, I do) but if I set my clock back for no reason tomorrow night, you're gonna hear from me.
Man, I don't know how I missed this when it came out. Brilliant piece Cranky.
*standing ovation slow clap*