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Cranky Cuss

Cranky Cuss
Ossining, New York, United States
February 28
I am the author of "Send In the Clown Car: The Road to the White House 2012," currently available on Amazon and CreateSpace. I'm currently semi-retired after 23 years in a corporate environment. My motto: The conventional wisdom has too much convention, not enough wisdom. Corollary: Even Einstein was wrong sometimes, and you're not Einstein.


AUGUST 30, 2013 2:31PM

My Weekly List #1

I’ve been writing pieces that are long and personal, not blog material. Sometimes creating the content feels like pulling teeth and I find myself wishing I would just write something mindless, where I wouldn’t be agonizing over the placement of every word like I was solving a Rubik’… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 22, 2013 12:57PM

Washington's Offensive Line


Washington, D.C. is simultaneously the home of our nation’s first minority Presid… Read full post »

[Author George Saunders recently gave a commencement address at my old school, Syracuse University. His theme was that his only regret in life is insufficient kindness. It reminded me of something I wrote three years ago about an incident during my time in Syracuse. I have reposted it here.]

I wish… Read full post »

In response to Jaime Franchi’s recent post, here are ten things I absolutely do not give a crap about. We may agree to disagree about some of them.

1. Google Glass. Though I’m willing to assist Morgan Freeman in testing Google eyelids.

2. Jodi Arias. My brain is already stuffed with… Read full post »

APRIL 19, 2013 3:27PM

The Latest "News"

Here is what’s known so far:

On Monday, shortly before 3:00 pm, two bombs were detonated near the finish line of the Boston Marathon.

Another bomb was detonated shortly after at the JFK Library.

Twelve people were killed.

Three people were killed and more than a hundred injured.

Shortly beforeRead full post »

APRIL 15, 2013 11:41AM

By the Book

(The New York Times Sunday Book Review prints a weekly column, “By the Book,” in which an author answers generic questions about his or her reading habits. I decided to take a crack at some of the most common questions. Since everyone loves to talk about books, feel free toRead full post »

I met Sandra at a Ron Paul rally and it was love at first sight. When she and I finally took the plunge, we knew exactly where we wanted to go on our honeymoon: Ayn Rand World, the new libertarian theme park.

The day after our nuptials, we landed at Milton… Read full post »

APRIL 4, 2013 12:38PM

A Grim Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, in the Greatest Kingdom on Earth, a boy was born. He was not a king, nor was he a prince. In fact, he was just an ordinary Joe. But he grew up to be a smart, kind, hard-working man.

Around the same time, a girl… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 24, 2013 1:47PM

Another Nauseating Puke Story



Fourth or fifth grade.  It’s between classes and I’m racing down the hall to the nurse’s office because my tummy is rumbling like Mount St. Helens and I’m about to blow chunks.


Didn’t make it.  Nature does/Read full post »

FEBRUARY 15, 2013 11:15AM

Wayne LaPierre Reviews the Oscar Nominees

For the last few years, I’ve attended an annual movie marathon in which they presented all of the Oscar nominees for Best Picture. Since I couldn’t make it this year, I asked my good friend Wayne LaPierre to attend in my stead. I know you have heard Wayne’s harsh… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JANUARY 29, 2013 12:17PM

Is Texas Executing an Innocent Man?

On January 2, 1999, hunters in Sam Houston National Forest in Texas discovered the body of Melissa Trotter, a 19-year-old Lone Star College student who had been missing since December 8. She appeared to have been strangled with one leg of pantyhose.

Investigators had already settled on Larry Sweari… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 5, 2012 10:53AM

Final Words From a Republican Candidate

I am a Republican.

I don’t believe people should be required to carry a government-issued ID because that’s the first step toward Big Brother. I also don’t believe people should be allowed to vote unless they carry a government-issued ID.

I am a Republican.

I believe that Democrati… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 1, 2012 1:39PM

God Speaks

‘Sup? God here. Long time, no speak. (No, Santorum, I mean it, I haven’t been speaking to you, that’s just the voices inside your stupid head. And stop emailing me all of those dumb “How many abortionists does it take to screw in a light bulb”

Read full post »
Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 26, 2012 11:22AM

Editorial Endorsement: George Romney for President

                                 The Cranky Cuss Gazette

       Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 12, 2012 3:30PM

Biden My Time


I almost never write straight political pieces; there are people here who do it way better than me, and with greater depth of knowledge. I also admit that I did not watch the first Presidential debate; as I commented elsewhere, the debates will not affect my vote and… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 10, 2012 5:42PM

My Two Memoirs

They say that you never regret the things that you do, only the things that you don’t do. I don’t believe that’s 100% true – I’ve done a couple of ghastly things I desperately wish to erase from my memory bank – but when I’m melancholy, which is too often… Read full post »

OCTOBER 8, 2012 2:47PM

My Favorite Songs

I was assembling a “desert island discs” list – you know, 25 records that you absolutely could not live without – when I discovered two CDs I had burned a few years ago consisting of my then-favorite songs. Instead of doing clever sequencing for the CDs, I had just sorted… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 4, 2012 4:53PM

Baseball Playoffs Preview for the Non-Fan

At Home Pilgrim used to post an annual Open Salon baseball playoff preview, so in his lamentable absence, I have volunteered to fill his shoes. (And yes, that is like replacing a pair of Bruno Maglis with flip-flops.)

There is one big difference this year: to make a wild card… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
SEPTEMBER 26, 2012 1:53PM

Mitt Romney's Home Movie

Thank you for that warm welcome. It’s great to be here in Ohio on the first day of Oktoberfest. You may think that, because I’m not allowed to drink liquor, I don’t understand beer drinkers, but that’s not true. I have several friends who are brewery owners.

Did… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 19, 2012 10:50AM

About a Writer


If you’ve been a member of Open Salon for a while, you’re probably familiar with the writings of Greg Correll, wordsmith extraordinaire. If you’re not, this is a pretty good place to start. (Dammit, OS, these links had better work!)

Most likely, you haven&rsqu… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 27, 2012 11:14AM

Things I'll Do Instead of Watching the GOP Convention

“A hurricane is headed straight for the Republican convention. More proof that God is a woman.”
- David Letterman

12. Attend a NASCAR race so I can hang out with a bunch of white people too.

11. Crash a gay wedding, pose for pictures with the happy couple, then head to a… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 23, 2012 12:15PM

Suicide Isn't Painless

And Richard Cory, one calm summer night
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
- Edward Arlington Robinson

Last weekend, I was re-reading Darkness Visible, William Styron’s essay on his descent into clinical depression. Around the time I was reading Styron’s chapter about his friends… Read full post »

AUGUST 16, 2012 11:44AM

The Blogger

“Did you see the new law being considered by Congress?” asked the blogger. “It’s outrageous! I’m going to post something on my blog about it.”

“Good,” said the blogger’s wife. “Because I’m sure the columns this morning by Paul Krugma… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 8, 2012 2:35PM

Nicole's Tales From Retail, Redux


(Looking for something light after the last few days, and following Oryoki Bowl’s request for funny reposts, I combined two posts on my daughter’s time at a bakery. All stories are true, though some of the dialogue is invented. The format was based on ex-OSer LCRead full post »

In news that had comedians across America saying, “Thank you!” porn star Jenna Jameson endorsed Mitt Romney for President, saying that “Republicans are better for rich people.” Only in modern America could “porn star” and “rich person” be synonymous.… Read full post »