Pavlov would love the Internet.

Cranky Cuss

Cranky Cuss
Ossining, New York, United States
February 28
I am the author of "Send In the Clown Car: The Road to the White House 2012," currently available on Amazon and CreateSpace. I'm currently semi-retired after 23 years in a corporate environment. My motto: The conventional wisdom has too much convention, not enough wisdom. Corollary: Even Einstein was wrong sometimes, and you're not Einstein.


FEBRUARY 12, 2015 12:17PM

Brian Williams Returns From Suspension

(August 2015)

“Please welcome our next guest. On Monday night, he returns to the anchor desk at NBC Nightly News after a six-month suspension. He’s one of our favorite guests, and we’ve missed him. Give it up for … Brian Williams!”

(The Roots play “Liar, Liar&rdquRead full post »

FEBRUARY 9, 2015 11:53AM

Random Assumptions and Admissions

I’m not as smart as I think I am.

I have several opinions that are stupid, based on misinformation, sloppy analysis, or ideological bias. I don’t know which ones. If I did, perhaps I’d adjust or eliminate them. Perhaps I’d cling to them stubbornly, refusing to admit… Read full post »

JANUARY 16, 2015 12:22PM

My Belated Best of 2014

All of the year-end Ten Best lists leave me with mixed feelings. On the one hand, I’m an inveterate list-maker, I love the arts, and I’m always open to suggestions. On the other hand, I don’t go to the movies often anymore, I don’t watch much TV, and I don’t purchase… Read full post »

JANUARY 9, 2015 1:55PM

Unpublished Letter to the Editor

I have no plans to discuss the horrible attack in Paris yesterday. Any sensible person supports free speech and opposes terrorism. This morning, however, I remembered something sarcastic I wrote before joining OS about comic strips and offensiveness:

Have you heard? Smoking is bad for you. Apparently
Read full post »

DECEMBER 15, 2014 11:11AM

Year-End News Quiz 2014

Have you been paying attention to the news this year? Of course you have. That explains why you’re cowering under your desk. As always, there is no need to keep score with this quiz, since the answer is always the last one, except when it’s obviously all of them.

1. What didRead full post »

OCTOBER 28, 2014 1:54PM

"Will This Kill Me?"

Good evening. You’re tuned to talk radio 790 WACK. I’m Dr. Mel O. Mann, and welcome to another edition of Will This Kill Me?, the show where you tell me your irrational fears about what you think is going to kill you. Unlike the other hosts on this station, I will… Read full post »

OCTOBER 20, 2014 12:05PM

Bad Times, Good Times

I rarely discuss my family in public, either in this blog or on social media. Much of what I do say or write is invented or exaggerated for comic effect, which has led some readers to tell me, “Your wife is so funny!” (Trust me, she isn’t.)  I have no troubleRead full post »

SEPTEMBER 5, 2014 12:50PM

It Happened One Nightmare

As my head hit the pillow and I slowly drifted off into sleep, I had no idea that I was about to endure the worst nightmare I’d ever had.

I was sitting at a desk in an office, as I often do in my dreams, as I did for… Read full post »

AUGUST 7, 2014 11:58AM

We Regret the Error



In an article in our sports section on July 28, we stated that Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice received a 20-game suspension from the NFL as punishment for assaulting his fiancée. In fact, the league issued Rice a two-game suspension. The memo we… Read full post »

AUGUST 5, 2014 12:25PM

Erotic Gifts For the Crossword Lover

(After being an answer in Gerald Anderson’s OS-themed puzzle, I decided to take the subject into more NSFW territory.)

Want to spruce up your relationship with the crossword lover in your life?  Need to redirect your partner’s attention from the grid to the groin? Cruciverbalists (Read full post »

JUNE 24, 2014 6:17PM

The OC: Ten Things I'd Like to Say


1. “If winning an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony is called an EGOT, what do you call it when I’ve also won Pulitzer and Nobel Prizes?”

2. “No, seriously, I don’t think there is room on Mount Rushmore for my face.”

3. “That’s a fi… Read full post »

MAY 28, 2014 12:49PM

Writer's Block

A writer not writing is practically a maniac within himself.
F. Scott Fitzgerald

Since Christmas, I have published just two new blog posts. I wish I could say it was because I was slaving away on the Great American Novel. I wasn’t. Something depressing happened: I lost the joy of… Read full post »

                                       mr rogers

(This was my first Editor's Pick, back in February 2009. ReasonRead full post »

MARCH 17, 2014 12:18PM

Kiss Me, I'm Irish. I Think.

                        Cranky O'Cuss 

(First posted on St. Patrick’s Day 2010.)

Today, as on every Saint Patrick’s Day, I’ll don the only green shirt I own (a New York Jets… Read full post »

MARCH 13, 2014 10:18AM

Kitty Genovese, 50 Years Later

Fifty years ago today, a horrific and infamous crime occurred in Queens. When Kitty Genovese was murdered while returning home from work in the early morning hours of March 13, 1964, it was merely a blip on the local media radar, one of 636 homicides recorded in New York City that… Read full post »

JANUARY 31, 2014 12:08PM

Talkin' Pete Seeger Blues

(Pete Seeger’s death Monday night at age 94 reminded me that five years ago, I had started writing something about Seeger but never finished it. In finishing it, sadly, I had to change the verbs from the present tense to the past.)

I'll be all around in the dark. I'll beRead full post »

DECEMBER 23, 2013 9:59AM

Christmas: The Top Stories

BETHLEHEM – A couple identified only as Joseph and the “Virgin” Mary were arrested last night by Bethlehem police and charged with child endangerment. According to the arrest warrant, they had left their newborn son Jesus outside in a manger at night, exposed to the elements and sur… Read full post »

DECEMBER 18, 2013 12:37PM

25 Pleasures From 2013

December is the time for endless ten-best lists. Unfortunately, I don’t read enough current books, or watch enough current TV and movies, to make many useful recommendations. So here are 25 random pleasures I experienced in 2013:


1. George Packer’s The Unwinding follows several Am… Read full post »

DECEMBER 9, 2013 10:55AM

The 2013 Year-End News Quiz

Have you kept up with the news in 2013? If so: they let you access the Internet from your mental institution? Test your knowledge below.

1. What plummeted suddenly from the Russian sky on February 15?
a. Edward Snowden
b. The members of Pussy Riot
c. The legal rights… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 20, 2013 12:37PM

Tin Foil Hat Sold Separately

        onion jfk


[Transcription of a tape I received anonymously in the mail today with no return address.]

I can’t believe it’s been 50 years and you still haven’t figured it out yet.

S… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 14, 2013 12:28PM

Twelve Random Things About Me

Last night, I got roped into this – God, I hate the word – meme on Facebook where you list things others may not know about you. I decided to expand it and turn it into a blog post. Some of these are copied from old posts, but I’m… Read full post »

OCTOBER 30, 2013 12:59PM

Halloween 2013

The spider web covered the bushes, the carved pumpkin sat on the front steps, the skeleton hung from the porch light, "Monster Mash" blared on the stereo, and the bowl of candy sat just inside the front door. I was ready for Halloween. With my wife chaperoning the town’s Halloween party,… Read full post »

OCTOBER 23, 2013 12:21PM

My Pointless Baseball Trivia Quiz

In honor of tonight’s first game of the World Series between the Boston Red Sox and the St. Louis Cardinals (also known as Con Chapman’s fantasy – he grew up in Missouri as a Cardinals fan and now lives in Boston), I have concocted a bunch of pointless baseball

Read full post »
SEPTEMBER 11, 2013 2:43PM

My Stupid Little 9/11 Story

(This is a repost of something I wrote in September 2010.) 

I’ve been reluctant to write about 9/11. After all, I did not lose a loved one that day. I know two people who worked in the Twin Towers, and they both survived, one by evacuation and the other… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
SEPTEMBER 6, 2013 3:48PM

Am I Losing Interest in Football?

It’s the first weekend of the NFL season and the league will be asking the same question it’s been asking for decades: “Are you ready for some football?” For the first time, part of me wants to answer, “No.”

I’ve loved sports since I was a young boy. Every se… Read full post »