There were tears glistening on the lashes of the perky, blonde newsreader (possibly called Britnee). Who could have foreseen this? If only we had KNOWN, we could have campaigned against health care reform even more arduously!

Did you realize that "tucked away" in the bill, hidden from the scrutiny of people too lazy to read that kind of stuff, slipped upon us while we were watching Family Guy, is a TAX on tanning! Ambyrr led us on a tour of the beleaguered pigment-support industry and spoke to anguished owners who worried that the ten percent tax would drive all but the most steadfastly narcissistic patrons away. It brought a non-cancerous lump to my throat.

That, however, is NOT the only sneak attack on our constitutional rights  buried in the bill. The next thing over which Bambee grew weepy was the unfair  targeting of the restaurateur. How unreasonable is it that the calorie counts of EVERYTHING on the menu must be available and yes, even printed! The data probably even needs to be accurate.

The worst part of this latest assault on our God-given right to indulge ourselves without worrying about the consequences is that it specifically targets the small Mom and Pop businesses with twenty or more locations! This will cost "the restaurant industry" fifty million dollars. Maybe they can have a bake sale.

So, if you care at all about America, God, Ultimate Appetizer Platters, and Melanin, look your pudgy, pasty face in the mirror and ask yourself ... is health care for everyone REALLY worth it at this cost?