First, I’d like to say I get you, Rush Limbaugh.  I’ve met lots of men like you in my lifetime (yes, lots, I’ve been on birth control).  Most of them are certainly less direct about how they feel, but then they don’t have that great big, phallic radio mike to kiss every day.  That big, pendulous piece of equipment hanging in your face to make you feel bold and empowered.  I’m sure it helps to know you’ve got lots of frustrated, angry folks listening to you, waiting to feel acknowledged and understood by your kiss-my-ass attitude toward all those women who demand equality.  Ready to laugh because that big bully on the radio just said one more thing that’s just so flamingly outrageous, it’s going to be great entertainment to see public reactions.  We’d all like to have a thick, firm mike once in a while just to blow off a little steam, and there’s a certain type of guy that really relates to you, Rush.

But you’ve gone a little too far.  Yep, that persona of the nasty, cigar-sucking entertainer stroking the mike is now just one more caricature of the angry middle-aged man who really, really hates women.  Oh, I know, I know, you don’t really hate those women who smile sweetly, show a little cleavage, and tell you it was good for them too.  It’s those other women who are the problem. The sluts! The women who live independent lives, choose birth control and stand up independently as citizens to demand equality.  The women who vote, work, give birth or choose not to.  Damn them all, what a pain!  They’ve caused you to burst like a big greasy pimple and spew stupidity all over the airwaves . . . again.

But I get you, Rush.  It’s not your fault.  It’s those women. They just don’t see the difference between what men ­have (insurance coverage for surgery to preserve prostate functionality or prescription benefits to cover drugs for erectile dysfunction) and insurance coverage for something women need like birth control.  You need your prostate function and your erection.  Women who need birth control are just sluts.   I know, I know, it’s not the same to you.

But seriously, Rush, I take great comfort in the fact that you alienate women across this country, across party lines, and across religious lines every time you insult one of us and show such intense disrespect.  I think you are one of the best things to ever happen to liberal politics.  So in the middle of the night when you’ve curled up in bed with the Mrs., the Cialis has been effective, and she’s told you it was good for her, too, just remember that all of the thinking, intelligent, self-respecting women in this country understand you.  We get you, Rush.  Before we met the lovers who really love women, we all met lots of guys just like you and we see exactly what you are.  Exactly.