22 days remain until I’m delivered from the bonds of homeownership.  The amount of time I spend trying to claw my way out of this foreclosure mess is staggering and my gait has long since lost its swagger.  If Quantum Leap’s accelerator turned up on my doorstep I'd go back many moons and maybe, just maybe, steal a little of that time back.  Then again with my dumb luck I’ll turn the wrong dial on the instrument panel and navigate straight into ancient Roman times.  That's where small guys like me are breakfast… for gladiators’ children.  I’ll take my chances duking it out with my lender for now.  To be honest I don't want to do that either but I have to take action in the name of perpetual motion so onwards and upwards I go into the attic to rummage through the morass of foreclosure misinformation.

There’s a popular legal loophole in the foreclosure process called Produce the Note stalling foreclosures all across the nation for homeowners.  Back in the lending craze days mortgages were bundled up and sold off to hungry investors looking for a restaurant to satisfy their voracious appetites.  It didn’t matter the mound of whipped mash potatoes was mostly made of hot air.  Some food is better than none especially when you’re eating buffet-style like so many investors back in the day who couldn't get enough of these... divestments.  There was always room for seconds, thirds, fourths, fifths or whatever risky investment could fill a hollow leg.  However, in the gluttony of the feast some lost track of their helpings as loan documents for the mortgages were bought, sold and traded like they were going out of style.  Chances are the person you write your monthly mortgage check to doesn’t actually own the loan.  They’re simply acting as a servicer of the loan on behalf of investors.  Chances are they’re not entirely sure who even owns the note.  It’s time to figure it out because the waiter delivered the bill and it turns out this was an à la carte establishment with a strict policy on no separate checks.  Banks now have to figure out how much they’re in for to whom and for what.

Homeowners facing foreclosure are holding court... up as they demand their "lender" show them the note.  Some lenders can’t find the note but some can (it’s anybody’s guess as to whether or not these lenders were diligent or simply lucky.)  Those that can’t find the note are faced with costly delays in the foreclosure process as they shift gears and chomp down Gas-X tablets like... they’re going out of style.  I hate to break it to the banks but Gas-X was never in style.  Hey, dummies, it was probably that third helping of Salisbury steak that's got your stomach in knots.  The only thing more uncool than chronic flatulence is crapping your pants but the banks aren’t there… yet.

The 40% of lenders who cannot find the note in these cases eventually will find it and foreclosure is imminent.  The other 60% are unfazed by the request and show up note-in-tow to boot you out.  And then there’s another segment of the foreclosure population such as myself who live in states with nonjudicial foreclosure procedures where the Produce the Note strategy is powerless.  In states such as California lenders are not required to use a court proceeding to initiate a foreclosure sale.  They simply send a Notice of Intent explaining your house will be foreclosed on if the mortgage isn’t brought current.  It's a veiled threat at first and can drag on for months until they remove the shroud to reveal a bride with no teeth, two wandering eyes and a runny nose who you never intended to marry.  This is harmlessly called the Notice of Sale wherein the homeowner is informed of the time and location their house will be auctioned off.  After that moment the house is no longer yours and in case you didn't get the first two memos a member from the sheriff's department will pay you a visit along with a locksmith to make things perfectly clear.  There should be an ammendment to the nonjudicial foreclosure law that requires all these notices be delivered in greeting card format or as singing telegrams.  I've left word for my congresswoman to this effect but she won't return my calls.  I don't know why.

The Produce the Note tactic for those of us in these states is like being armed with a greed-seeking ray gun but no galactic battlefield to use it on.  If you want to fire the gun you’ll have to hire more big guns – as in lawyers.  In nonjudicial foreclosure states the only way to halt foreclosure with a Produce the Note strategy is to file a lawsuit.  Lawsuits require… lawyers.  Good lawyers cost money.  Bad ones cost even more.  If I can’t make my mortgage payment I most certainly cannot afford to hire a lawyer.  There are legal aid organizations rumored to offer some help but that takes time - lots and lots of time. 

At the end of the day all you’re getting out of the Produce the Note strategy is more time in your soon-to-be foreclosed house.  Eventually the lender is going to produce the note and foreclose on your legal-loophole-wielding butt.  If you’re expecting a cut of the upcoming Nobel Prize Money to bring the mortgage payments current at the 11th hour and just need a little more time then Godspeed, my friend.  HINT: if you’re not one of three people in the world who knows how chromosomes are protected by telomeres and the enzyme telomerase you’re already screwed.  If you haven’t made some sort of major contribution to world peace, stability, sustainability or entertain-ability you’re soon to be screwed.  If you have no guarantee that a bag of money will one day soon drop out of the sky so you can catch up on the mortgage payments then you’re most certainly screwed.  Welcome to the party.  Name tags are on the table next to the empty punch bowl.

I can either continue punching myself in the face with the laws of the courts or simply succumb to the laws of physics.  I choose physics because it speaks the truth.  A consequence of the law of conservation of energy says matter cannot be created or destroyed.  I'll go out on a limb here and say the same holds true for time.  You can use it, save it or waste it but you cannot create it.  I refuse to spend countless hours doing legal research so I can spend countless more miserable hours in my house waiting for the foreclosure to become official.  No thank you, Bob.  I've got better things to do like working on my Conservation of Time Theory.  Tell the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences they can find me in the future under the nearest overpass.  They'll enjoy the play on space-time words... I hope.