Palin’s Troopergate seems such a distant memory now but remember when it was all the rage?  America’s 49^th and largest state with one of the smallest populations hasn’t received that much attention since Eddie Vedder’s original music for the film “Into the Wild” received an Oscar snub due to a minor technicality (I know that sounds like a stretch but a small portion of the movie was actually filmed in Alaska). But behold, Alaskans, all was not in vain.  Embrace the attention of yesteryear’s Troopergate.  Regardless of guilt, innocence, wrongdoing or overall ineffectual leadership the attention a governor can bring to their state via a scandal could actually be considered sound economic policy.  Statistically speaking, states with more sordid gubernatorial scandals under their proverbial belts experience fewer foreclosures per capita.  When I say “scandals” in this study I’m speaking only about those that land in the zeitgeist and involving governors (senators, members of congress, mayors, etc. do not count).  Measuring what’s in the zeitgeist is accomplished using the internets web stuff and um… some Wikipedia.  I know it sounds remarkably unscientific but if you’re not on the web or on Wikipedia you’re not in the zeitgeist.  It’s as simple as that these days. 

A look around the web at foreclosure statistics reveals a shuffle in order from site to site but one thing is for certain:  Nevada, Arizona, California, Florida and Idaho have the highest per capita rates of foreclosure.  They also have an embarrassingly low rate of embarrassing gubernatorial scandals.  Weird, I know but the stats (my stats) don’t lie.  Here’s the breakdown of these states suffering from the lack-of-a-good-scandal syndrome:

Nevada:  Current Governor Jim Gibbons’ philandering of years past had potential to improve the state’s housing crisis until his divorce came along and sucked the life right out of what could have been an entertaining scandal.  Other than that small ripple nothing else has caught the national news media’s attention and held it for more than a millisecond.

Arizona:  Arizona Governor Evan Mecham was impeached back in 1988 over charges for illegal financial dealings and then Governor John Fife Symington III was convicted of fraud in 1997 when he-- blah blah blah blah.  Talk about BORING.  I had to take a nap halfway through researching these wannabe scandals they were so tame.

California:  Sure Gray Davis was only the second governor to be recalled in the history of America but did anyone else in the country really take notice of this little known fact for more than a day?  Not really because Gray Davis was vilified for a state budget crisis exacerbated by companies in Texas like ENRON who were bilking California out of billions of dollars in rigged energy prices.  Again, not the sexiest of scandals.  When Davis cried foul and asked for help from the Federal Government nobody listened.  At least not Dick Cheney.  He was too busy meeting in Washington with the heads of these exact same companies at the exact same time.  Later in 2003 when the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission finally got around to issuing their report ex-governor Gray Davis was vindicated and some 25 energy trading companies, most of which were based in Texas were blamed for the energy disruption and raiding of California's treasury.  Again, BOOOOORRRRINNNNGGGG. And as far as Arnold Schwarzenegger’s admission of inappropriate conduct with women when he was an actor and professional bodybuilder goes, I can’t imagine there was a single citizen of the world who felt they were caught off guard with that bit of news.  If it doesn’t surprise or shock then it ain’t a scandal.  No wonder foreclosures are running at an all time high in this state.

Florida:  They’re last big gubernatorial scandal was back in the late 1800s when Governor Harrison Reed was subjected to three separate impeachment inquiries between 1868 and 1872… Yawn, yawn, yawn.  Talk about a snooze-fest…  And as far as the ballot recount of 2000 goes, it didn’t count then and it doesn’t count now.  There’s just no counting at all in Florida when Jeb’s in charge.

Idaho:  BOOOORING… again.  The best thing they’ve got going for them is Senator Larry Craig’s arrest for soliciting sex in a men’s restroom at the Minneapolis Airport only later to claim the “wide stance” defense.   This tells me one thing:  Craig’s notion of “lawyering up” consisted of hiring the cast of Hee Haw for his legal representation.  None of this matters though because Senator Craig is… well, just a state Senator so statistically speaking the scandal has no impact on the housing crisis in Idaho (at least not for my highly controlled study).  If I were an Idahoan I’d plead with Larry Craig to run for governor ASAP and send him off to campaign in the men’s restrooms of truck stops across the state.  It’s their only hope for getting out of the foreclosure crisis. 

Conversely and historically speaking, Texas, Oklahoma, Alaska, Louisiana and New York take the lead when it comes to governor-originated ignominies.  Guess what else these states are frontrunners in?  Some of the lowest rates of foreclosure per capita in the nation.  I don’t need to get into the plethora of historical gubernatorial improprieties state by state (that’s what the Googles are for.  Besides, nobody enjoys reading much more than 500 words in one sitting these days and I’m on the 1,100^th already).  The point in all of this is that statistics (my statistics) clearly prove causality between governor scandals and current rates of foreclosure on a state-by-state basis. 

In the case of the recent Patterson Domestic Abusegate, New Yorkers should savor this moment of gubernatorial misconduct… again.  When I say again I’m not referring to Eliot Spitzer’s penchant for paying for sex, I’m talking about the best scandal of all:  The duel between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr.  What could be more scandalous than two guys firing clunky balls of hot lead at one another over insults stemming from a heated gubernatorial race in which Hamilton mercilessly campaigned against Burr and endorsed the opponent and victor, Morgan Lewis?  Not much in my nerd book. 

Nevada, Arizona, California, Florida and Idaho need to get their governors wrapped up in a scandal involving solicitation of sex from endangered sea otters while abusing their powers of state to have their Weight Watchers file cleaned up.  If that doesn’t work I recommend a bout of shoplifting from a family-owned toy store facing economic hardship.  And even then there’s still a lot to make up for when compared with gubernatorial scandal-laden Texas, Oklahoma, Alaska, Louisiana and New York. 

It might be time to shorten the word gubernatorial to just plain old ‘guber’.  Believe it or not gubernatorial is derived from the Latin term gubernator.  This means that here in California we actually have the Gubernator and not the Governator.  I’m not kidding, which means that technically every other state of the union has a Gubernator as well.  Damn.  Maybe someone can get Sylvester Stallone to run for governor of California so we can once again pride ourselves in our own electoral ridiculousness by sending “The Italian Stallionator” to Sacramento. 

** Research Side Note I’d Like Critics To Ignore When Gauging the Validity of This Study:  Illinois is on the Top 10 list of states with the most foreclosures and happens to be of governor improprieties.  However, when one looks at the state’s rich history of political improprieties from governor all the way down to alderman they’ll realize one can actually have too much of a good thing (that’s really a bad thing) it can backfire on you.  My advice to Illinois governors in the future is to cool it.  Let thses scandals simmer and watch your foreclosure rates drop.