YESTERDAY MORNING AT 4:30AM I WROTE THE FOLLOWING:

The past few years have been… um… interesting.  Some might call them disastrous.  Others chaotic.  Less sympathetic folk might even label those years as pathetic.  And yet I prefer to use the term interesting because who wouldn’t want their life described that way?  Sure, my marriage fell apart, my cat died (I still have another), I lost all of my money and then some in the stock market, my house is in foreclosure and my career has been stuck on the tarmac because the fog from all of this makes it very hard for me to see which way I need to go to get what I want, BUT it’s all been very very interesting. And now in the twilight of the chaos my knee feels a little sore.  In my illogical approach to life decisions that means it’s time to run 26.2 miles.  It’s time to run the LA Marathon.

The only clarity and constant for me in the past few years of chaos has been distance running.  I had always exercised but when the sh-t really hit the fan a few years ago I found myself running more and more each day.  Running helped keep me from running from life’s challenges. Running is the one place in my life I feel comfortable and confident taking risks.  It’s the only thing in my life that I get 100% back what I put into it (and oftentimes more).  It’s amazing what you can pull out of yourself when digging deep for those last few miles.  It’s also amazing the amount of liquid you pull out of yourself when distance running.  Not to be gross (but to be gross) oftentimes my sweat carries just the slightest scent of whatever I’ve ingested in the hours prior to running.  I downed an entire bottle of cologne this morning in anticipation of being surrounded by 24,999 other sweaty, smelly bodies and now I have a stomachache.  That’s what I get for drinking the cheap stuff.

The only time anything remotely related to running let me down was when my lender, Bank of America, sponsored the 2008 Chicago Marathon.  It didn’t bother me at the time because I wasn’t in foreclosure.  Plus I had my cat there as my coxswain to call out my mile splits. 

The L.A. Marathon is sponsored by K-Swiss this year and that suits me just fine.  I hear the word “Swiss” and I think of neutrality or the Von Trap family.  Almost makes me want to skip the race so I can sit at the top of my staircase and sing “Doe, a deer… a female deer… Ray, a drop of--“ Oh crap, I just remembered I can’t sing.

Last night while prepping my gear for the marathon I spilled Everlast Recovery drink powder all over the countertop.  Some of it got on my wallet.  I wonder if that means gobs of money will suddenly appear in my bank account on Monday.  Upon realizing the potential of this berry-flavored powder that I’m certain is either repackaged pixie sticks or re-labeled Lick-a-Maid I may or may not have deliberately spilled some on my unemployment paperwork.  I expect the phone to ring off the hook with all kinds of offers on Monday.  I’ll tell you what’s off-the-hook, that Fundip stuff.

Today’s 26.2 mile run offers closure that will bookend the odyssey of years past for me, one that started with a marathon in Death Valley.  I can’t find the words to explain why this feels like a turning point and I’m not sure I even know for myself but somehow, after running this race, a chapter in my life will be finished.  I think I’ll run as fast as I can today and give it more than what I think I’ve got.  I discovered last night that I miscalculated my splits for my target time during the past several months of training.  I don’t usually feel like someone who sucks at math but this foreclosure and my recent bank statements are beginning to make me think otherwise.  Now I have to run faster than I ever have before which means I’ll either blow the doors off my goal time and set a PR or crash and burn in fantastic fashion by the 20-mile mark.  Either way it’s going to be… interesting which is all I’ve ever asked for in my life.   Like the saying goes, be careful what you wish for.

THIS MORNING I WROTE THE FOLLOWING:

Yesterday I did unspeakable things to my body... and I am proud of those things.   I went for bust, nearly crashed and burned and then dug deeper inside myself than ever before in my life.  The effort put out and the pain endured once again produced a net gain.  When the chip times are sorted out and race results officialized I will have come in 305th place overall in a field of 26,000 runners.  I beat my PR by over 13 minutes.  I accomplished a life dream I only set for myself 3 years ago: qualifying for the Boston Marathon before age 40.  Less than 1% of runners ever get to claim that.  Am I bragging here?  You're damn right I am.  I've had a difficult time in the past few months finding pride in my life.  Today I found pride.  Once again I got out what I put in.  In fact, I got more.  It's been a long time since I've made such a wise investment.