Just when I thought the hottest news item of the day from the foreclosure crisis consisted of PETA and/or Vivid Entertainment bailing out Octomom from foreclosure, the news outlets (what few are left) are abuzz with news of large banks reducing mortgage balances for troubled borrowers.  Hmmm… I don’t know.  I just don’t trust ‘em.  I can’t.  I’ve become so accustomed to feeling troubled in every way over my impending foreclosure I’m not certain change is a good thing.  Change is for other people, not me.  Trouble and misery is where I feel most comfortable lately.  The mere mention of the word “solution” gives me goosebumps.  But wait-- this just in from the New York Times:

“The government will buy loans from investors at the current value of the house in an effort to stabilize the market, people briefed on the plan said. The government will also increase incentive payments to lenders that cut the principal of borrowers in modification programs. And it will require lenders to cut the monthly payments of unemployed borrowers for a minimum of three months.”

Say what you will about the decisions being made in Washington but one thing is certain:  Things are getting done... for once.  Whew.  I was just about to reach the point of political apathy wherein passing legislation putting ivy, dandelions and garden variety weeds on the endangered species list would have made me happy.  The Obama administration must be working around the clock juggling health care reform, student loan reform, Middle East mishegas with Netanyahu and Yemen, the repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell” and now this latest program to stem the tide of the foreclosure crisis.  I just have one concern: if the administration opted for the “unlimited talk, text and web” plan with their mobiles we could be facing another government bailout... of Sprint Nextel.

I never thought I’d say this in a million years but I’m actually looking forward to speaking with the feds (as long as it’s in regards to my mortgage and not tax returns).  No matter how much bureaucracy there might be in this proposed plan of action by our government it will pale in comparison to the past year I spent navigating my way through Bank of America’s maddening and senseless system of “loan modification” which has proved to be a cornucopia of broken promises every painful step of the way.  I have been on the brink of foreclosure for what is the equivalent to an eternity… for a mosquito.  For a human it’s merely the equivalent of insanity.  But who’s counting?  I am.  Every day that passes without a foreclosure notice slapped upon my front door is a good day. 

Already the blogosphere is teeming with opposition for this latest plan to aid underwater homeowners with complaints lobbed left and right from the left and the right for bailing out those who “gamed” the system.  Mostly these grievances are aimed at real estate speculators, house flippers, Sea Doo buyers with home equity loans and other absurd unquantifiable entities.  We hate it when there’s not enough for everyone.  It’s scary.  It’s also scarcity mentality.  Here’s the cure:  the next time your neighbor needs a hand carrying in the groceries or cutting the lawn suspect them of taking advantage of your good nature and simply refuse to lend a hand.  If that doesn’t work, a carefully placed expletive in your refusal to help should do the trick.  They won’t ask again and you won’t have to knock on their door for a cup of sugar for that chocolate soufflé you’re on the brink of perfecting.  The world has become such a big place and if it turns out they really needed the help, no worries, Medicaid or Medicare will step in to cover their slipped disc surgery.  You can then take the matter up with the IRS on your next tax return.  And if battling it out with Uncle Sam’s tax enforcer is too daunting a task then simply ask yourself, “What would Octomom do?”  

[ If you're interested in reading about the big banks' recent and preempted proposal to aid troubled borrowers you can go here.]