the only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share

with someone else when you're uncool
SEPTEMBER 16, 2014 5:27AM

daisies and pot roasts

daisies and pot roasts

trophies and large fish

pretty tables and outfits

here is my mother 

the brother who is lost

we do not mention him

when we give thanks

when we crow about the children

the father with a belt

is glossed over in death

a shining paragon

dinner was… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 14, 2014 3:46PM

free time leads to freakouts

ok, so, things may well wind up okay with my son, and if the therapist is good and keith keeps doing as well as he has and my son wants to, and of course me, i mean, things could turn out FINE.  like maybe even as fine as i always hoped.… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 13, 2014 1:15PM

a day to relax

look at me, sitting here, hardly stressed out at all.  sitting in the recliner (my favorite piece of furniture ever invented.  tho i did just discover the full length ottoman, and i am pretty in love with that, too.  all those years i said i wanted a couch bed, but not… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 11, 2014 8:41PM

pond's oc. where i was on 9/11

i was home in my little apartment in a little small upstate new york town.  we had a stewarts, a library, pizza place, a movie theater, some good walking, a great bookstore in my building, and buses to get us to and fro, because i had been without a car for… Read full post »

it was called, "i just spoke with barney frank"


Yes, that Barney Frank.  Barney Frank, Chair of the House Financial Services Committee.  Barney Frank whose wardrobe tarnishes the phrase gay man.   The conversation went like this:

JS:  Hi Mr. Frank.  My naRead full post »

SEPTEMBER 8, 2014 10:11PM

too tired for details, but all is well

therapist might be good.  too soon to say, but there are certainly very good glimmers of hope.  okay, i am hopeful, and there it is.

our lawyer got the felony charge reduced to a misdemeanor charge.  that means that when its time to negotiate, instead of starting from the high point… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 7, 2014 10:02PM

can i be frivolous for a moment?

first, i got to dream last night about the boy at work.  no, nothing torrid.  i dont have torrid dreams if they cant come true.  but i DID get to slide my mouth along his neck, while we were hugging and i was asking someone to wait, i would be right… Read full post »

gonna do a presentation about nature poetry, and as part of it, i will read three of my own poems.  could read as many as i want.  could do just my own.  but my aim is to show people accessible poetry in general, not just mine.

i looked into it lastRead full post »

SEPTEMBER 3, 2014 6:08PM

quick update

so had intake at therapist's.  i went with him.  i cried a lot.  the two things that stand out most to me are that he agreed with me that keith is doing much better interacting with him, which is clear and makes me very very happy, but i didnt know if… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 2, 2014 10:16AM

all all all good thoughts today

especially for calmness, for both of us.

thank you.

really, good thoughts coming at us from the universe help.

i am sure of it. 

  Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 1, 2014 10:31AM

i need my mommy.

trying so hard here to keep a good outlook.  so is the boy.   so is keith.

and yesterday, we decided to have a nice day.   lunch and a walk.

first there was a ridiculous fiasco at the local farmer's market bakery.  dont ask.  if i told the story, it would sound… Read full post »

i am not homeless.  some of you might be thinking that is a weak blessing - but think of not having a home.  really think about it.  and think of how many people ARE homeless.  think of sleeping outside.  on a bench.  think of people spiteful enough they want to hire… Read full post »

AUGUST 26, 2014 9:59PM

the post i cant write

is anyone else being asked for their last name and zip code before creating a new post?  i just was.

post i cant write, i just cant write.  i thought i would write it now.  but i cant.

shortcut is that my son stole a car, drove it around, put gas in it using money… Read full post »

AUGUST 20, 2014 6:18PM

my new job

is to raise 40-50 thousand dollars in 6 to 8 weeks.

now, with the way my gofundme flopped, one might be skeptical that i can do this.  but This Cause oughta do okay.

i have my own office.

with a double desk

two computers

and a conference table.

and all sorts… Read full post »

AUGUST 20, 2014 11:41AM

2nd job interview, please wish me luck

remember i bragged that some exec director had sent me a note to apply for a job?  i called yesterday and went in for my first interview and my second is today at 1 and i will likely get it.

should be able to keep the job i love, since this… Read full post »

AUGUST 18, 2014 10:59PM

fast update with happy news

super fast, cause i have to go to bed bc work at 7 am tomorrow.

**added:  AND i just learned the labrea tar pits are in LA!!  i am SO THERE! 

saw my old friend this morning.  crying the whole time.  snot running out.  he and keith pretended they couldnt see me,… Read full post »

drove up to the berkshires with keith yesterday.  after a morning so bad it made the morning of the car being heisted look easy.  cried all day.  not all day.  i took five minute breaks and started up again, all day.

till about 3:30. when i realized we can drive up to… Read full post »

AUGUST 17, 2014 2:19AM

the legacy of violence

is a dream so vivid you wake up weak from the adrenaline, weak for an hour

in all four limbs, moving slothlike

one eye held closed against the light 

you went to get an umbrella for the sister you dont think about

but she was your son, too, and you didnt want her going… Read full post »

AUGUST 16, 2014 7:07AM

my son stole my car! woot!

and i am sitting here, late for work.

call the cops!  yeah yeah, cause cops are good guys.

so are institutions where they place the young and the restless and the mentally imbalanced.

do i know he is mentally imbalanced?  no.  i mean, one of my best friends in high school got… Read full post »

people keep asking why a boarding house?  my best friend swears its a step up from prostitution and homelessness.

i am moving into a boarding house because i dont want to make friends.  i want all those clear-cut boundaries.

come home go to your room no need for small talk smiles… Read full post »

why are people, myself included, so blown away by the fact that robin williams, funny man extraordinaire, untouched by any of his peers (did he even have peers?), killed himself?

robin williams will never eat another delicious meal.  never take another bite of something and think, "damn, man, th… Read full post »



i cant even write anymore.  so sad.  he made me laugh forever and ever.

PLUS he was smart and brilliant and touched hearts all over the place.

he was incredible in awakenings.


weeping.  Read full post »

AUGUST 10, 2014 10:19PM

old car pics, a few for now.

AUGUST 9, 2014 8:12PM

i gave notice

i am ALL jazzed up and want to swear and curse and yell and say

i gave NOTICE mothahfuckAHS!!!


and i am scared, yes, a bit.  thats only reasonable.


and yesterday i drove around taking pictures of gravestones, cause i might not visit those graves again.  i mean, poverty,… Read full post »

AUGUST 8, 2014 12:17PM

why did god invent women?

cause sheep cant cook.


my advice to any woman of a certain age not feeling the love coming at her from appropriate places

is go to the inappropriate places.

besides, i have heard that men our age have erectile issues.

who needs that?

that and a bunch of fake kisses will leave&nb… Read full post »