the only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share

with someone else when you're uncool
JULY 22, 2014 11:11AM

update

so, i was away for a month or so, while big transitions were happening. 

first - got the procedure, and it was most definitely an actual operation.  it was in an operating room, which i was totally unprepared for.  and i had things on my legs so i didnt get… Read full post »

JULY 16, 2014 5:31PM

in over my head

are you in or are you out?  what in christ's name do you mean, half in?  what's that - up to your waist?  whats the point of that?  might as well be in at least up to your heart, over your head is even better.  who wants to wade through life? … Read full post »

JULY 11, 2014 11:22AM

almost like the morning after

we were leaving work together, after laughing together all day

i'll give you a ride to your car, you said.

i'll have to sit on my hands, i said, and hilarity ensued.

you're sitting in back, you said, and more hilarity ensued.

i didnt sit in back, of course.  nor on… Read full post »

JUNE 2, 2014 2:24PM

home. #1

i'll ride home with you, i say.

it's not home.  it's 3000 miles away from where i live, to a place that i hope will become home.

 

come home, i say.

it's not home.  it's 3000 miles away from where he lives, a place that used to be home.

 … Read full post »

picture if you will, a girl and her sisters and her mom watching some tv show.  the girl is tiny, tho she feels fat, and she has the straightest lankest hair you have ever seen, which she doesnt care for.  the room is kind of dark, and they are watching a… Read full post »

MAY 28, 2014 12:09PM

update. good news wednesday.

ok, i just got huge news, which is i dont have to move till the 15th of june.  thank god, bc i was sitting in my nowhere-near-ready house, with today and tomorrow to accomplish it.

still need to sort out our clothes, and every time i walk into my bedroom,… Read full post »

MAY 27, 2014 5:31AM

cash only, please

i have a new idea.  its called "prostitution."

its a more honest way for men and women to interact, and is a plan that should leave everyone happier.

i have a friend who was disappointed by a guy this weekend (ha, a friend!  oh i was let down too, but in… Read full post »

MAY 26, 2014 1:54PM

slow slow learner. slow.

so, the preparations for the move have begun.  got a couple loads of boxes out the other day.

i can barely tolerate it, have been dreading even just the clothes folding.  realized why, when i started folding...

because i have to sort my son's out separate from mine.

cause he… Read full post »

MAY 25, 2014 12:46PM

good news sunday

zanelle reminded me of good news sundays.  they were a very good thing, werent they?

lately, i feel i have no good news, but thats a total crock of shit.

pardon my foul mouth.  sometimes, i really love my foul mouth cause its funny and makes me actually laugh out loud. … Read full post »

MAY 22, 2014 6:00PM

i cant take any more racism

now some other NBA team owner said he would cross the street if he saw a black kid in a hoodie.

he also said if he saw a white man with tattoos on his face, he'd cross the side of the road, back to the side with the black kid.

the… Read full post »

ok, so guess what?

i go to doctor for hysterectomy consult.  and its NOT a hysterectomy consult, bc she strongly feels we should do the ablation!

which is what i was DREAMING of before this whole thing got started and convoluted and alarming.

and so i should be SO HAPPY, right?… Read full post »

MAY 15, 2014 10:03PM

alone with my thoughts

less alone with you guys here. 

my brain, i wish it would just shut up.  

bill is my brain.  chuck is all my systems that wish it would just shut UP.

 

 
i can watch a whole movie, and not remember i saw it before, till… Read full post »
MAY 13, 2014 7:31PM

biopsy's totally fine

completely normal.

so, thats a relief.

appt on monday to figure out next step.  funny - first thought i had upon hearing it was fine was the EXACT same thought i had last year, when i chickened out of hysterectomy - my brain supplied me with, "well thats an awfully major… Read full post »

MAY 11, 2014 9:45AM

some things about my mom

i read a post on slate called 50 things about my mother.  i would like to do that too, but i dont know if i can remember 50 things.  so i will say some, instead.

she is the one who taught me that you share what you have, that no matter… Read full post »

MAY 9, 2014 7:15PM

in which i upchuck

this is my third post today.  and i am tipsy.  drank three glasses of moscato in 20 minutes.  thats like sparkling grape juice, except it gives you enough of a buzz to laugh, and to need to retype practically every single word.

the boy is going to live somewhere else.  thats… Read full post »

MAY 9, 2014 3:55PM

i fuck who i want

when i want

how i want

because i want to

because i like fucking.

i have made love some, too.  i like that even better.

but you cant maintain that sweetness, the utter swoon that is behind lovemaking.  there is a gratitude to the earth and the sky and the sun… Read full post »

MAY 8, 2014 9:39PM

when the whip comes down

huh, who knew?  this song is about a young male prostitute.  been singing the chorus for how long now, and never knew?  she likes to sing at parties, sometimes she fakes the words.  

 
so, i am looking up, at the whip on its downward stroke.  i am… Read full post »
MAY 5, 2014 8:04PM

daisyjane shows her ass

ok, not really, but im gonna, soon as i get some pics. 

got my checkup today, and an ultrasound of my uterus.  as i was getting the ultrasound, i remembered the one where i first heard the boys heartbeat.  and i cried, of course.  i assume everyone does.  its an… Read full post »

MAY 4, 2014 10:25PM

fuck it. diving in.

its nothing extreme.  there's nothing new.  so it can only be the hormones.  friend from the city slept over last night, on my charming day bed.  thats the bed i slept in at the old apartment.  i had two beds.  the one i had slept in with a boy, and the… Read full post »

well this is always a tip off for me - you wake up and are crying or livid within minutes.  today it's crying, and it wouldnt stop, so i came over here to write - a focus helps it stop, see?

***

you know, since i decided to get serious… Read full post »

APRIL 30, 2014 8:17AM

it all makes sense now. i'm an ENFP!

or ENFT, EMFP, depending on what comes out of my mouth that rhymes with and therefore sounds like, ENFP.   which is very ENFP of me.  my son said its impossible that i am an ENFP.  he said there is no way my type doesnt end in J.

J for judgy,… Read full post »

APRIL 26, 2014 2:04PM

just in case you havent seen it yet

APRIL 23, 2014 10:54AM

i wanna write about everything

i want to write about every single moment of my life, every single thing i see and read and hear and every single thing any one says and every single thing i do and every single thought i have in my head.  all of it.

but of course there is no… Read full post »

APRIL 14, 2014 4:29PM

i have a problem with transitions

busy busy week here.  first, i didnt get the writing workshop scholarship.  thats totes okay.  i didnt even secretly cry.  its not a big whoop.  but if HAD won it, that would have been a big whoop.

did several fun things last week.  all bc of commitments and feeling obli… Read full post »

tuesday, i went with a friend to see her mom at the nursing home.  when we approached the door, there was a man riding around on his wheelchair scooter, just for the fun of it.  when we got to her mom's floor, her mom lit up.  lighted up.  she glowed.  she… Read full post »