the only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share

with someone else when you're uncool
AUGUST 26, 2014 9:59PM

the post i cant write

is anyone else being asked for their last name and zip code before creating a new post?  i just was.

post i cant write, i just cant write.  i thought i would write it now.  but i cant.

shortcut is that my son stole a car, drove it around, put gas in it using money… Read full post »

AUGUST 20, 2014 6:18PM

my new job

is to raise 40-50 thousand dollars in 6 to 8 weeks.

now, with the way my gofundme flopped, one might be skeptical that i can do this.  but This Cause oughta do okay.

i have my own office.

with a double desk

two computers

and a conference table.

and all sorts… Read full post »

AUGUST 20, 2014 11:41AM

2nd job interview, please wish me luck

remember i bragged that some exec director had sent me a note to apply for a job?  i called yesterday and went in for my first interview and my second is today at 1 and i will likely get it.

should be able to keep the job i love, since this… Read full post »

AUGUST 18, 2014 10:59PM

fast update with happy news

super fast, cause i have to go to bed bc work at 7 am tomorrow.

**added:  AND i just learned the labrea tar pits are in LA!!  i am SO THERE! 

saw my old friend this morning.  crying the whole time.  snot running out.  he and keith pretended they couldnt see me,… Read full post »

drove up to the berkshires with keith yesterday.  after a morning so bad it made the morning of the car being heisted look easy.  cried all day.  not all day.  i took five minute breaks and started up again, all day.

till about 3:30. when i realized we can drive up to… Read full post »

AUGUST 17, 2014 2:19AM

the legacy of violence

is a dream so vivid you wake up weak from the adrenaline, weak for an hour

in all four limbs, moving slothlike

one eye held closed against the light 

you went to get an umbrella for the sister you dont think about

but she was your son, too, and you didnt want her going… Read full post »

AUGUST 16, 2014 7:07AM

my son stole my car! woot!

and i am sitting here, late for work.

call the cops!  yeah yeah, cause cops are good guys.

so are institutions where they place the young and the restless and the mentally imbalanced.

do i know he is mentally imbalanced?  no.  i mean, one of my best friends in high school got… Read full post »

people keep asking why a boarding house?  my best friend swears its a step up from prostitution and homelessness.

i am moving into a boarding house because i dont want to make friends.  i want all those clear-cut boundaries.

come home go to your room no need for small talk smiles… Read full post »

why are people, myself included, so blown away by the fact that robin williams, funny man extraordinaire, untouched by any of his peers (did he even have peers?), killed himself?

robin williams will never eat another delicious meal.  never take another bite of something and think, "damn, man, th… Read full post »



i cant even write anymore.  so sad.  he made me laugh forever and ever.

PLUS he was smart and brilliant and touched hearts all over the place.

he was incredible in awakenings.


weeping.  Read full post »

AUGUST 10, 2014 10:19PM

old car pics, a few for now.

AUGUST 9, 2014 8:12PM

i gave notice

i am ALL jazzed up and want to swear and curse and yell and say

i gave NOTICE mothahfuckAHS!!!


and i am scared, yes, a bit.  thats only reasonable.


and yesterday i drove around taking pictures of gravestones, cause i might not visit those graves again.  i mean, poverty,… Read full post »

AUGUST 8, 2014 12:17PM

why did god invent women?

cause sheep cant cook.


my advice to any woman of a certain age not feeling the love coming at her from appropriate places

is go to the inappropriate places.

besides, i have heard that men our age have erectile issues.

who needs that?

that and a bunch of fake kisses will leave&nb… Read full post »

AUGUST 7, 2014 7:28PM

i am my beloved's

but my beloved aint mine.

i love the boy at work again.  first i didnt, but the bickering was so fierce, a couple days ago i said, "give me a hug.  i am tired of arguing over everything with you."  so he gave me a warm hug, the only kind he gives.

and… Read full post »

AUGUST 6, 2014 9:01PM

san diego gets closer!

its getting realer and realer and closer and closer.  found out a couple days ago the ticket out there is cheap.  i assumed it was like the old days, where a one way ticket is about ten dollars less then round trip.  but no, its half price.  its a pittance, to… Read full post »

JULY 29, 2014 8:05PM

keeping him here as long as i can

problem is, the kid doesnt WANT to be here.  its boring, as i said.  and yes, they are aholes to each other.  tho they did just have like an eight second-long pleasant interaction.  so thats something.

but tonight, i got home from work, and he had dinner waiting for me!  not… Read full post »

JULY 28, 2014 10:06AM

but i still have good dreams

i dreamt last night that boy at work fell asleep on me

no, not after coitus, not after anything. he gave me a hug while i was laying down in bed, and kept hugging me, and i heard some breaths that sounded like sleep breaths and i stayed real still, but… Read full post »

JULY 27, 2014 9:33AM

i'm not in love

i think i like to be in love.  i think it hardly matters if the other person is in love back.  well, it matters, and certainly at times, christ, it matters very very very very much.

oh my god the heartbreak i suffered in the past couple years.  horrific.  so i… Read full post »

JULY 25, 2014 10:07AM

my lizard brain is really acting up

so re: my son's homelessness.  i dont like it.  i know i wrote about it lightly the other day, and i am not the level of freaked out i was at first, which is that if a raindrop fell, if they even said it was going to rain, you could not… Read full post »

JULY 22, 2014 11:11AM


so, i was away for a month or so, while big transitions were happening. 

first - got the procedure, and it was most definitely an actual operation.  it was in an operating room, which i was totally unprepared for.  and i had things on my legs so i didnt get… Read full post »

JULY 16, 2014 5:31PM

in over my head

are you in or are you out?  what in christ's name do you mean, half in?  what's that - up to your waist?  whats the point of that?  might as well be in at least up to your heart, over your head is even better.  who wants to wade through life? … Read full post »

JULY 11, 2014 11:22AM

almost like the morning after

we were leaving work together, after laughing together all day

i'll give you a ride to your car, you said.

i'll have to sit on my hands, i said, and hilarity ensued.

you're sitting in back, you said, and more hilarity ensued.

i didnt sit in back, of course.  nor on… Read full post »

JUNE 2, 2014 2:24PM

home. #1

i'll ride home with you, i say.

it's not home.  it's 3000 miles away from where i live, to a place that i hope will become home.


come home, i say.

it's not home.  it's 3000 miles away from where he lives, a place that used to be home.

 … Read full post »

picture if you will, a girl and her sisters and her mom watching some tv show.  the girl is tiny, tho she feels fat, and she has the straightest lankest hair you have ever seen, which she doesnt care for.  the room is kind of dark, and they are watching a… Read full post »

MAY 28, 2014 12:09PM

update. good news wednesday.

ok, i just got huge news, which is i dont have to move till the 15th of june.  thank god, bc i was sitting in my nowhere-near-ready house, with today and tomorrow to accomplish it.

still need to sort out our clothes, and every time i walk into my bedroom,… Read full post »