it was the handholder.

i KNOW he needs firing.

but he sits so close to me, and winks, and says, "god, did you try to look like betty boop tonight, or just adorable?"

more than once he tells me i look adorable.  that feels pretty good.

he makes us alone, even at a table with the two young ladies who follow him around like, well, like girls with crushes.  the one might defeat me.  she is seriously hot, and looks seriously good in shorts.  seriously good.  and big blond hair.  and kept touching his hand tonight.  he didnt even notice, next to the old adorable lady who was sitting next to him.

wait, he must have noticed.  thats foolish.  of COURSE he noticed.

well, whatever.

i am weak.

and it was fun.

and i am SURE that tomorrow or the next day (busy tomorrow, so he might have to wait one extra day, to tell me) he will tell me that its no good, it cant work, blah blah blah.

and i will have to try to listen to him again.

i did look pretty freaking adorable, i must admit.  i mean i tried to, i had on several different embellishments - lipstick mascara blush even eyebrow pencil.  was a little bit of cheating.  most importantly, probably, not even on purpose, i was talking very animatedly to a couple of gentlemen when he came in, and i didnt know he was there.  politics, i was talking, of course.

i sat by him, sat by the girls, sat by the other girls, went back to the gentlemen, and he stopped as he passed us, and made a face.  i THINK the face meant, "what?  huh-uh." 

i never, in my whole entire life, on account of i live in hippie towns and love enlightened men, i never had a man stake a claim in my life.  but i THINK he did.

i have permasmile.

i will take it.

who cares if he gives me the same old stupid speech on sunday?  we take our happiness where we can, right?

and for tonight, i get to feel pretty happy. 

i think i will go listen to the book of love 100 more times, then go to sleep.