found me online as of course i knew he could. there is no not finding someone anymore.
told me if i persist with the child support, he will come up here and i will find myself in a whole lot of trouble.
repeated it and said, did you hear me?
i hung up.
he called back.
i didnt answer.
so what to do what to do.
you know i once had his handprint on my throat. wore a turtleneck to work in august in north carolina, to hide it.
nobody noticed. for years, until very recently, i thought, he could have accidentally killed me that day.
was only recently that i realized it wouldn't have been an accident.
has threatened to kill me any number of times. countless.
his mother is scared shitless of him.
hasnt contacted his son in 8 years.
he's crazy, i think i have mentioned.
called keith. keith says he is just trying to scare me. as if i couldnt find you fifty articles from just this year of men killing their exes over much smaller issues. but y'know, keith doesnt wanna be bothered.
his name is well, i took that out, so he cant find this blog. i could call the cops. best case scenario, they arrest him and release him under his own recognizance, and 12 hours after that i could be dead.
or me and the boy both, maybe, if he sets the house on fire. maybe a couple neighbors. oh i know i sound dramatic, but i am not the first person who didnt sleep at home because they were scared gavin might set their house on fire. and i know a woman whose ex did set their house on fire, and his own brother died in it.
these things do happen.
so. what, this silly little bit of progress i have made? my little bookstore job, and feeling focused at the soup kitchen? not in the cards to add up to anything.
i have been sneaking cigarettes too, since the keith cheated/nephew died in a 12 hour span day. so i can take up smoking yet again, and die of lung cancer like my mom. that's looking more and more likely.
now he is not answering his phone. is he already on his way? who knows?