the thoughts occur, though i try to stop them
they are most intense in the car, when, you might notice, i sometimes have to sit on my hands, to keep them from reaching out
if i dont look at you, i can simply keep them busy, fiddling on the emergency brake or the gearshift, shaped rather like....
but when i look over at you, especially when you smile, when you are smiling, i love you even more
and as goes my love, so goes my lust
and your hair, the hair curling oh so slightly at your nape, nobody ever wanted to touch someone's hair more. you would see it on my face, except you are driving
i try hard to keep the thoughts only on your hair. when they move to your neck, when they move to my hands on your neck, worse, to my breath on your neck
i dont know what would happen if i didnt immediately ask an inane question, or tell you the latest celebrity gossip
and when we are walking, and you get too warm, and you take off your long-sleeved-shirt, my brain goes blank. blank. because to have thoughts then would be too risky.
i settle for the hug hello, and the hug goodbye, and the occasional mild flirt
and i tell myself, no, you cannot knock on his door in the middle of the night. you cannot sit on the side of his bed, and lean over, and say just kiss me once, one time, like you mean it with all your heart. and the kiss that would follow, i do not think about, except for right now, for this moment of a moment, i will let myself think of your mouth and your hands and your heart, all entwined
for just a moment of a moment