she said, "the highest good for you is happening"

the highest good comes in a million disguises, its true.
SEPTEMBER 19, 2012 10:16PM

none of it ever mattered, anyway.

Rate: 11 Flag

all i ever wanted was someone to love me

love me for being really, really, funny, which i was

and smart, which i am

and generous, and kind, and compassionate to a fault

and for loving to eat, and for loving art, and for loving to read like nobody i know, and for wanting to make things better for as many people as i could

maybe they could even love me for being clumsy, and for never being able to get to first base in kickball, or catch a baseball

but no one ever did

and i dont know why

and nothing has ever added up to anything, and no effort is good enough and i had the most beautiful beautiful day and still at the end of it, i go to bed alone and no one loves me

and i am very sad to have never been married, and to not get to  grow old with someone

and there it is.

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i think i will pass on any more, if this is what happens after a perfect day hiking

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Don't give up yet. Please don't. I feel your sadness and surprise at where you are. I had given up, too, and then it happened to me. I believe in karma. You've stored a bunch of the good kind up.
Firechick
September 19, 2012 10:25 PM
I can't tell you how to feel but I can tell you this: no matter how hard it is, you're still miles and away so lucky to have the life you have, to be the woman you are, to have the love you've known and the child you have. And its aggravating and sad and so so so fucking down and lonely not to share a beautiful day with someone other than yourself, but try to remember that you have had this one very beautiful day and it's yours and so will tomorrow be yours. And you are beautiful and strong and you can stand up on your two legs and walk and turn your head up and look at that sky, those clouds, that blue and know that in truth, we are all alone. We all look up at the sky and we are alone with it.
Foolish Monkey
September 19, 2012 11:42 PM
Hey, Holly. I love you.
Kim Gamble
September 20, 2012 02:20 AM
Come on!! Cheer up!!! The fun just starting!!! I think...that could be gas, but either way, FUN!! ~hug grope fondle~
Tinkerertink69
September 20, 2012 03:02 AM
It gets better. I can't promise you one special person but I can promise that there will come a day when you'll feel better.
just phyllis
September 20, 2012 05:00 AM
This would be one in the other book. You have two poetry books that can come out as a pair - Daisy Jane and Blue Jane. I love them both.
Chicken Mãâàn
September 20, 2012 06:20 AM
Daniels's father just married at ninety years old. Not that we all want to do that but hey, he never gave up after his first wife died. And neither should you./r
Christine Geery
September 20, 2012 07:19 AM
Never, never settle. YOU ARE WORTH THE WAIT. Hugs to you.
Midwest Muse
September 20, 2012 08:21 AM
I'm subbing at the high school today, tending a class of miscreants with an hour to kill, and I've just had a thought that's relevant to this poem: Altho it can be ecstatic and fulfilling to be loved, it can also be a pain in the butt, but it is always fulfilling and often ecstatic to love.
Chicken Mãâàn
September 20, 2012 10:25 AM
yikes, yep there it is.
i commiserate entirely.
except for the loving to eat. i dig italian (especially pizza)
and mexican, but that is about it.
also hamburgers too...

do what i do: invent a dream lover. talk to him!
it aint as great as a virile male snoring against your soft shoulder,
or in my case
a cutie pie who eschews nightclothes drooling on my
sparse chest hair, but at least you don't always gotta look pretty
for the guy/gal, right? or be funnysmart 24/7.
James M. Emmerling
September 20, 2012 10:41 AM
hi everyone. thanks for the kind words and encouragement. seems i can go eight years before i get desolate over the whole thing. today i got the dishes done, trash taken out, bed made, and "portable guest room" (air mattress) put away. left a message about a job i will tell you about if i get for sure. its already pretty sure, but just in case, i dont want to count my chickens.
daisyjane
September 20, 2012 10:58 AM
DJ, you are worthy of love. It's hard not to know the future and wait and wait and wait, for that which we need and want most of all. I know I keep asking God for patience, and I want it right now!
ccdarling
September 20, 2012 02:32 PM
[r] poignant, jane. thanks for vulnerability. best, libby
libbyliberalnyc
September 20, 2012 07:36 PM
Oh darling, this is so sweet. You have got to be my soul sister.
I was alone for 20 years and met a man with major handicaps and Aspergers. He is the most perfect husband. I finally have the unconditIonal love I always wanted. I was 50 when we married!
THIS TAUGHT ME. THERE IS NOTHNG WRONG WITH US. YOU JUST HAVE TO FIND THE RIGHT PERSON. IT IS ALL A MATTER OF PERSONAL OPINION.

YOU ARE VERY LOVED HERE! YOU HAVE FOUND PEOPLE WHO GET YOU!
THE UNIVERSE MADE ONLY ONE PERFECT YOU. YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF UNTIL YOU FIND SOMEONE WHO GETS YOU. LOVE YOURSELF AS YOUR FANS HERE ALREADY LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kathy Knechtges
September 21, 2012 12:13 PM