act 1 - many years ago, a lifetime ago, 25 years ago - i love boys who dont love me back. there is a boy who likes me, which automatically rules him out. fast forward to him marrying someone and disappearing from my life for a decade. i spend a good part of that decade thinking that of all the boys i ever knew, probably the one best suited to me was him, and shouldnt i have chosen him, and what was the matter with me?
act 2 - a decade later, i love boys who dont love me back. there is a boy i know likes me, loves me, proposes, in fact, so of course he is automatically ruled out. terribly well-suited to me, he was, and is. i will spend the rest of my life thinking i should have chosen him, and that only a stupid girl doesnt pick the boy who adores her. yes, he full-on adored me, my many many warts and all.
act 3 - today. i love boys who dont love me back. there is a boy who is so well-suited to me that its appalling i dont love him. but i dont. i dont, and i cant imagine that i ever will. he has shown me many times how well he knows me, and how well he knows what will make me happy, and that making me happy is something he truly likes to do. why just tonight, moping around facebook and mentioning christmas movies, he quoted its a wonderful life. thats the movie to quote when i am mopey. the boy i love doesnt even know its a wonderful life. so, am i gonna do it again? but wait, i protest! but the boy i love likes to make me happy, too. but, i point out, he likes it the way a sweet brother likes to make sure his sister is well cared for. and we arent well-suited to each other. he wouldnt have fun doing all the dorky things i love to do, and i wouldnt have fun doing what he loves to do. shouldnt i pick the one who is well-suited, who wants me to pick him? wouldnt that be sensible?
my boy is in the throes of first love, you know. i have already decided that if they come to me half crazed at age 17 and say they are getting married, i wont protest. i wont encourage, but i wont protest. this is not a new decision - i have pondered for years that the best couple i ever knew got married at 19, and only waited that long because their families forced them to. in my whole life, i never knew a couple who liked each other as much. and there are plenty, millions of couples who get married at age 30, 35, 50, and it doesnt last.
age doesnt proof the heart, i think. and i think i am pretty good proof of that, right about now.
just some thoughts to help me clarify.