we slept together.
in the literal sense, not euphemistically.
nobody is more surprised than me (yes, i know that should be I).
to be clearer - you slept. i lay awake for well more than half the night, savoring, savoring.
i have decided i must install a mirror over the bed
so that next time, as i gaze up at that far-too-tempting stretch of exposed neck, i can see your lovely face at the same time. i wont have to choose one
or the other.
mainly, though, the over-the-bed mirror will be to observe your hands
as they hold mine.
"are you going to sleep?" you asked. "i don't know," i said. "try," you said. took my hand and wrapped yours around it.
i dont have words, i am rendered dumb
i can note that the angle made it difficult to look at your perfect hand, holding mine.
and the hand that held my shoulder as i put my head on your chest - not casually, but a solid cupping, a solid holding close, of me. each peek throws me a tiny bit off, makes sleep further away.
a mirror will show me all that and more. the five-o-clock shadow, i wonder - can it scratch an itch, or is it too soft?
the gorgeous hair covering your forearm. i'd be better at the crossword, you know, if that shimmer didn't slow me down.
my favorite spot on earth, twice in a day, with thee (and dodger's calling owner). never before did it occur to me to go in the dark. by your side, it's not even a decision. i just follow. and your motive - impeccable, admirable, and a tiny bit (forgive me) surprising. i hope that hounddog is home, well-fed and dreaming. and i am glad you are even kinder than i already knew.
i wont talk about it, last night, with my friends. unusual, for me. usually, i am perfectly happy to not-kiss and tell. but you, you are not for gossip and speculation.
a risky move, i admit, sleeping with you.
but i'll not trade it. i'll not define it. i will neither hold it in, nor expand it. i wont preclude it nor include it. i will neither count on it, nor count it out.
for the first time in my whole entire life, i am going to let my heart live in the moment.
planning and prudence have left too many in the same boat as the wingers, the swingers, the fly-by-nighters, the all-night fighters.
i am going to know the value, all on its own, of your hand,
simply and quietly