we went outside for a smoke.  it was cold, but the snow on the pond glowed in the moonlight.

i went inside, took off my coat, and stood in front of the fire.  i was rattling on about something, as is my wont.

i jumped, at least inside, when you came and stood close, behind me.   stopped talking, mind gone blank, as you slowly slowly pulled my skirt up.  i dont know if you were watching the reflection in the window, because i was transfixed by your hands, the folds of the skirt slowly filling them.

your fingertips sliding across my ass were a shock.  i thought to turn around to kiss you, but there wasnt enough room, and i didnt want you to stop.

"lose your train of thought?" you asked, your breath warm on my neck.

i nodded.

you backed up enough for me to turn around, my hands reached around and pulled you to me, in a way my hands have never done before with anyone, with a fervor that is, believe me, alarming.

i shudder and say, appropos of nothing, okay.  i do it all the time when you are around.  "okay," i say, out loud, and i dont even know why, except, maybe i am saying it to the universe, "okay, i accept this moment."  "okay, i will be here now."

and you kiss me like you mean it with all your heart, and the thoughts i had about what it would be like to be kissed by you were child's play, compared to the reality.

i pull up your shirt and feel your warm skin, covering as much space as i can with my hands, and you take half a step back and reach for your belt buckle.  i lose my breath, as you loosen it.   i try to take over, to unzip, but there is no zipper, there are buttons.  oh sweet jesus.  okay i say, to the universe.

okay.