we went outside for a smoke. it was cold, but the snow on the pond glowed in the moonlight.
i went inside, took off my coat, and stood in front of the fire. i was rattling on about something, as is my wont.
i jumped, at least inside, when you came and stood close, behind me. stopped talking, mind gone blank, as you slowly slowly pulled my skirt up. i dont know if you were watching the reflection in the window, because i was transfixed by your hands, the folds of the skirt slowly filling them.
your fingertips sliding across my ass were a shock. i thought to turn around to kiss you, but there wasnt enough room, and i didnt want you to stop.
"lose your train of thought?" you asked, your breath warm on my neck.
you backed up enough for me to turn around, my hands reached around and pulled you to me, in a way my hands have never done before with anyone, with a fervor that is, believe me, alarming.
i shudder and say, appropos of nothing, okay. i do it all the time when you are around. "okay," i say, out loud, and i dont even know why, except, maybe i am saying it to the universe, "okay, i accept this moment." "okay, i will be here now."
and you kiss me like you mean it with all your heart, and the thoughts i had about what it would be like to be kissed by you were child's play, compared to the reality.
i pull up your shirt and feel your warm skin, covering as much space as i can with my hands, and you take half a step back and reach for your belt buckle. i lose my breath, as you loosen it. i try to take over, to unzip, but there is no zipper, there are buttons. oh sweet jesus. okay i say, to the universe.