Painfully Suburban

Painfully Suburban with Dan-onymous
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MAY 13, 2008 12:36PM

"The Hills" House: The Finale

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hills house 3
Wow, it's hard to believe that this season of "The Hills" is over already. Maybe it's for the best that it wrapped up after about all of five or six episodes, because on last night's season finale, the plotline sputtered to a standstill. Lauren and Audrina had a fight about a certain inter"Lo"per in their friendship, Lauren cried, and poor Audrina's fate seems all but sealed (she even went to check out a new loft). Heidi stood up her boss at an important meeting, opting to return to her manipulative boyfriend Spencer instead of furthering her career; she then ran out in the middle of the square and flung her beret into the air as a symbol of freedom and indepen...oh wait, wrong show. Still, there are some important questions that remain to be answered in the next season:

1) What happened to that huge cat that showed up in a couple of scenes in Lauren and Audrina's old apartment? If they still have it, will the cat-new puppy rivalry eclipse the Lauren-Heidi feud?

2) Why hasn't Lauren built her shrine to Lisa Love yet?

3) Why is People's Revolution only arming its workers with fashion? Some "revolution" that's going to be. 

4) Will Lo finally be featured in the opening credits? 

5) Will Heidi brood over not staying in Las Vegas the same way that Lauren  constantly lamented not going to Paris?

Ok, so even if the season finale was weak, with all these burning questions waiting to be answered, the producers  at least have some material to work with for the next season. Oh, Lauren, when will you learn to feel the rain on your skin? No one else can do it for you, only you can let it in.

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I had never heard of "The Hills" until my most recent copy of Rolling Stone showed up in my mailbox, with the ladies of she show on the cover. Other than that, Dan's post today constitutes 100% of my knowledge of the show to this point.

Am I pop-culturally challenged, or what?
Orbitboy, trust me, you're better off. "The Hills" is so vapid, it's a guilty pleasure at best, and turns viewers' brains into goo at worst.