Painfully Suburban

Painfully Suburban with Dan-onymous
Editor’s Pick
MAY 20, 2008 10:49AM

The Pill

Rate: 2 Flag

When I leave the office every evening, it's like all the stimuli of the outside world enter my body at once. The air, the sunlight, the people, the dogs...they are all ready and waiting for observation, and it can be a bit overwhelming, especially as the brain makes connections between these current things and seemingly-unrelated memories. As I was heading down to the train yesterday, I saw a green pill on the side of the stairwell, and it nearly sent me into a fit of hysterical laughter. Just the sight of the pill was enough to remind me of a particularly memorable story from my high school days...

On a busy afternoon at the restaurant where I worked as a waiter, I approached a table where two older ladies had just been seated. As I was trying to put down the placemats and silverware, I realised that the busboy had been remiss in his work: there was a huge lima bean on the table in front of one of the ladies. Without a second's hesitation, I swept the table with my hand, sending the offending bean skittering across the dining room floor (hoping that the ladies hadn't noticed it in the first place). Looking up, the lady previously seated in front of the bean said plainly, "I wanted my pill."

Embarrassed beyond belief, I stammered an attempted apology as the lady pulled out a back-up pill from her purse (she was very gracious about the whole situation, which strangely made me feel even worse). On my way to get their drinks, I felt a crunch beneath my shoe, which could only have been one thing.

After they left, I returned to the table to find a Jesus Says You're Saved! pamphlet along with the tip. Although they had obviously forgiven me, I guess they didn't want me (pill thief/destroyer) to take any chances with my eternal salvation.

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Yup, pill stealing wll send you straight to Hell, Dan. It's a good thing they left that pamphlet. You might not be here o tell the tale and then who would guide our style choices? The horror.