This year’s crop was no different, giving us some messages that are timeless, and others that apply only to the modern age. Here are the coded messages in this year's crop of Super Bowl Commercials:

Guys are Oafs

·        Taco Bell (overeager man stalks girl at party)

·        Doritos (man uses power of crunch to undress women and get free money)

·        Coke Zero (Coke ad guys continue to try to sue their own company, get beat up by Troy Polamalu)

Violence is Funny:

• Doritos – it’s funny when crystal balls are thrown at snack machines and bosses (also, guys are oafs).
• Pepsi Max – it’s funny when guys get hit with boards, golf clubs, bowling balls, overpasses (also, guys are oafs).
• Bud Light – it’s funny to watch guy getting thrown out of office, skier run into tree and benches (also, guys are oafs).

Progress is Beautiful (if it involves car chases): Audi

Progress is Kind of Boring (if it includes clean energy): GE Energy

Foreigners are Funny, especially Swedes: Bud Light

Talking Babies Are Still Funny: E*Trade

Insurance Is Still Not Funny: H&R Block

The Number of Ways for William Shatner To Self-Parody Himself is Finite Yet Unbounded: Priceline.com

Talking Flowers That Insult People Are Funny: Teleflora

Hawking Your Most Valuable Possessions for Gold is Funny: Always relevant in these times, especially if you have a large golden hip: Cash4Gold.com

Monkeys are Funny, and Will Make You Their King: Castrol

Big Animals Make For Funny Pets and Wall Hangings: Pedigree Adoption Drive, Monster.com

Horses Are Just Like People in Sappy Movies (if watery beer is involved): Budweiser

Gangsters Enjoy Happy Pancakes, Just Like Everyone Else: Denny’s

NFL Players Can’t Hold Down Real Jobs: NFL Super Ads (Usama Young and his problems selling snow cones)

Some Well Known People Are Not Human (I knew it): Alec Baldwin, John Elway.

There’s a Junior High School Girl Inside Every Woman: Cheetos

Punching a Koala Bear is Only the Fifth Most Important Sign That You Should Switch Jobs: Careerbuilder.com

There Are Apparently Pictures of Naked People on the Internet: GoDaddy.com

Not Only That, But You Can Compel Famous People To Become Naked on the Internet: GoDaddy.com  

Although I learned a lot during this year’s Super Bowl, two mysteries remain.  For the love of God, can anyone please explain:

1.      Why Matt Millen is still allowed to speak in public on the subject of football?

2.      Why Hulu requires me watch a tiny commercial before it lets me see another commercial?