As gay pride season approaches around the country, I have a message for my lgbt bretheren: It's time to grow up. This kind of thing...
...is not good for us. And by "us" I mean both the lgbt community and the country as a whole.
The above photos are what people all over the country see when they are given images of gay "pride" parades and festivals. These images are seared upon their brains, and when you say "gay" to someone from Kansas, these are the images they call to mind.
There is nothing proud about those images. The word pride means a high sense of one's own dignity, whether as cherished in the mind or displayed in bearing; a becoming or dignified sense of what is due oneself or one's position or character; self-respect; self-esteem; satisfaction taken in something done or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon one's self. These aren't images of pride, but of folly. The only thing these images do is reinforce preconceived notions of gays and lesbians as depraved nutjobs in the minds of the very folks we have to convince to change their minds and support our right to marry, adopt, teach or serve our country. So let's grow the fuck up and start acting like responsible adults who deserve equal consideration and rights.
Gay pride isn't about Cirque du Homo anymore. It's serious now. Give up the kiddy pool, folks, it's time to swim in the deep end. When we march in a pride parade, we're not getting out there lobbying for the right to let our freak flag fly, we're out there for the right to marry, to adopt and raise children, to serve our country, to be free from violence and to have a job.
We shouldn't be known for this kind of image...
...but for this kind.
Let's face it, people don't take homoerotic circus clowns seriously. Like all clowns, they're a little funny and a lot scary and sad. Most Americans don't want bizarre sex clowns teaching their children, sitting next to them in the office, or getting married and moving in down the block. And, like it or not, we've got to show them that granting full rights to lgbt folk won't change their precious little society in any scary way. So let's do away with the tired old drag queen image, and substitute images of the crisp soldier, the caring doctor, the heroic fireman or police officer, the professional dentist and the dedicated teacher.
Enough with the homo clown show, okay? Grow the fuck up. Let's show them that we are what we claim to be: their sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, upstanding Americans deserving of equal treatment and equal rights.
Then go let your freak flag fly in the bars and parties. But in front of the TV cameras, please try not to look like an idiot anymore, 'kay?
Time to put away childish things. Right?
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Joan Wilder
Jeve (aka John and Steve)
Cassandra Berg
Zing
Danni California
Graham Sale
Salon.com
Comments
We are as we are, with kiddie pools and drag queens and meth addicts, and AIDS, and all the other images you yourself have conjured up. The message we have to get across is that, in spite of those images which may horrify you, we are ok, and we deserve the same rights as you.
Would you tell black people not to act the way they do in order for society to accept them? Obviously not. Its called respect. You may not like it, or agree with it, but you respect it regardless.
Now that is our real fight. With sequins all the way. And why the hell not?
are your sequins worth more to you than your rights?
You do not believe it is a choice. I have had to make that choice living in the midwest. I choose to survive, and work for my rights. I cannot demand them of people who do not see me as one of them. Human nature does not work that way.
If you go apply for a job, how do you present yourself? Do you wear a g-string, make-up, sparkly platform shoes and pasties? Or might you consider a more mainstream presentation if you really want to get that job?
If you go apply for a job, how do you present yourself? Do you wear a g-string, make-up, sparkly platform shoes and pasties? Or might you consider a more mainstream presentation if you really want to get that job?
If you go apply for a job, how do you present yourself? Do you wear a g-string, make-up, sparkly platform shoes and pasties? Or might you consider a more mainstream presentation if you really want to get that job?
If you go apply for a job, how do you present yourself? Do you wear a g-string, make-up, sparkly platform shoes and pasties? Or might you consider a more mainstream presentation if you really want to get that job?
If you go apply for a job, how do you present yourself? Do you wear a g-string, make-up, sparkly platform shoes and pasties? Or might you consider a more mainstream presentation if you really want to get that job?
I know that personally if I told patients I was gay I would not have a job, and I very much need my job to survive. I also know that I could not fight the system I'm in. I can only work within its tight confines.
My ex, Karen, who's sitting right here arguing with me has told me (indirectly) that my views are homophobic. Maybe they are... all I can tell you is this is what I feel. I am not less or more a part of the group than you.
Mainly I want the fringe to quit representing themselves as the whole. That said, I have to give respect that without the fringe, us average people would not have the rights we do right now.
I don't know what I feel except resentment at being misrepresented and at the same time having to hide all the time to fucking eat. *shrug* I'm tipsy and probably not making much sense, but it is heartfelt and this is me. Accept me as I am, since you want me to accept you for who you are.
But when it comes to basic human rights, sorry but screw suit and tie. My rights, (our rights) cannot be dependent on "how like them" we are on appearance. Human rights are above just looks.
I understand that you think a camp gay pride celebration is not helping us. I really don't see why not. That celebration is certainly a good example of how many of us are. All of us? No, not all of us. But are you suggesting that we should all look and act as though we were heterosexual so that out rights are granted? Excuse me? If we did that, we'd be dependent on looking like something we are not, and woebegone to anyone who dared to "act" like a limp-wristed queen, on pain that their rights might be taken away.
Is this some sort of "equal-but-only-if-you-act-straight"? Sorry but that is preposterous.
So what if every gay pride is filled with half naked men wearing high heels, wigs and sequins and women with their tatas out? That is how they choose to express themselves.
Would you tell black people not to "Act black" when they see their rights trampled? No, of course not. Would you tell Hispanics that if they want their civil rights respected they should start behaving like WASPS? No, you would not. So why us?
Gay pride is as much an expression of our "community" as a football game is of theirs. Or a car race, or indeed any other "Straight" cultural expression.
Don't we have the right to ask for our rights in whichever garb we choose? I think we do. And if they think we are freaks, they are going to think that with or without gay pride, sequins, wigs, make up, musclemarys, butch women, disco music, etc etc etc. They think we are freaks, in most cases, because their "Bible" tells them so, via their local pastor/preacher. Do you really think that if we "behave" that would change?
I think it is obvious that we deserve respect regardless of how we choose to present ourselves. Presentation does not dictate allotment of rights. Being human is reason enough.
I, of course, don't live in your world, and I don't live your life, and I think it is sad that your patients wouldn't accept you if they knew how you are. Of course, what is even sadder, is that you are forced to accept them as they are. Because you, as most of us, have to accept their prejudice if we want to survive in this world. And oftentimes, we do so with open arms. Although I'd like to say that, more and more, we are challenging this prejudice and this tacit acceptance of their mores.
I suppose that if you lived in a large urban community, this would not even be an issue. Your patients would know about you (I believe on a need-to-know basis), and then you would actually be the one choosing who you see and who you don't see. But I know nothing about your life or situation, though I know it well, since I've been there myself, and it is no pic nic. :(
However, as I remarked to Dana, I don't think "acting" straight is going to help us in the long run (or the short run). Unfortunately for them, heterosexual society has to respect us and allow us our rights even if they think we are the living spawn of Satan incarnate. Even if we act camp as Christmas and twice as frilly. Our appearance and behavior has nothing to do with our entitlement to basic human rights. Starting with respect. Not tolerance, respect.
There may well be folks flying the freak flag at the pride parade, and I think that's fine. I agree with Dana. That image probably does not represent the majority of LGBT people. On the other hand, I don't really think the mayor of my town regularly goes around dressed like a leprechaun, just because that's what he wore for the St. Patrick's Day parade, either. Why should people assume that's how all gay people spend their days?
The fact remains though that even if 90% of the parade was average LGBT folks with their families and their laptops and their soccer ball, it's the other 10% that will get their picture in the paper. It's just like how the TV news interviews the most flamboyant person, or the stupidest-sounding person, or the most bigoted, or the drunkest. It's all for the ratings. But if your parade had other floats, with soldiers and firemen and teachers and such, you could point out your newspaper's bias via a letter to the editor.
Remember, all of this is said by someone who knows she probably should have kept her mouth shut.