If Politicians Were Professional Wrestlers

By Daniel Rigney

If national politicians were professional wrestlers, what would their theatrical stage names be? I’m just wondering.

Would Barack Obama be “The Great Multiracial Hope”?

Would Hillary Clinton be “The Glass Breaker” or “The Ceiling Breaker”?

Would Maggie Thatcher be “The Ironic Lady”? (No. She’s clearly had an irony deficiency all her life.)

Would Ronald Reagan have been “The Ray-Gun”?

Would Mitt Romney be “The Pink Slipper” (because he’s given out more pink slips than he’ll ever have to fear receiving)?

Would Newt Gingrich be “The Poverty Warrior” (not for his war on poverty, but for his war on poor people)?

Would Rick Santorum be “The Sanitizer”?

Would Ron Paul, the most advanced thinker of the nineteenth century, be “Ayn Ron”?

Would Rick Perry be “The Revolver”? Or maybe “Oil Boy”?

Would Michele Bachmann be “Michele from Hell”?

Just wondering.