Politics and Culture in the Comic Zone

Daniel Rigney

Daniel Rigney
New Texas, USA
August 01
free-range writer
In this writing workshop and citizen's blog I'm exploring various short forms, often from a satiric angle. My interests include politics, culture and the human comedy; old and new media; social theory and urban life; the commercialization, corporatization and tabloidization of everything; sustainability; Unitarianism (UU); coffee; and writing (sorry, I mean providing content). Turtle stamp is from Tandy Leather. Interested in republishing a piece? Contact drigney3@gmail.com.


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MAY 7, 2012 3:29PM

Unusable Ad Slogans

Rate: 5 Flag

 By Daniel Rigney (as Rimshot the Sitdown Comic)

I was watching an episode of “Mad Men” recently when my mind wandered back to the actual ad campaigns of the sixties. That’s when I realized I had missed my calling. I should have been writing ad slogans all this time.

Trouble is, most of the slogans I’ve come up with through the years are tasteless and commercially unusable. Stop reading now if you’re easily offended.  No readers under 18 beyond this point, please.

Okay then.


A few of you may remember a campaign for Crest toothpaste that included this legal claim and disclaimer:

“Crest is an effective decay-preventive dentifrice when used in a conscientiously applied program of oral hygiene and regular professional care.”

At the time I thought to myself that a shrewd televangelist could profit from a similar slogan:

“Christ is an effective decay-preventive deity when used in a conscientiously applied program of moral hygiene and regular confessional prayer."*

If televangelists and big-box ministers are in the business of selling religion like toothpaste, they'll want ad slogans like this one that arouse anxieties about decay and hygiene, and that offer cleansing and protective solutions.


Then there was my proposed slogan for a laxative campaign:

“With friends like Ex-Lax, who needs enemas?”

Are we allowed to say “laxative” on the Internet?


Finally, I’m thinking of a variation on a current ad campaign promoting tourism in Lost Wages, Nevada. You know the slogan: “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” I’m picturing a series of ads here for … uhh … baby diapers. 

Are you there, Pampers? It’s me, Rimshot.

There are plenty more where these came from! Give me a call, Sterling Cooper. I can work from home, but I’m willing to time-travel.

Rimshot the Sitdown Comic      



*A subsequent scoop search reveals that a variation on this MAD-magazine-style commercial parody appeared at alt.quotations on Feb. 19, 2002. I've also discovered many previous variations on the enema slogan. The "stays in Vegas" formula is, of course, a popular catch phrase by now, applied promiscuously to everything from gambling losses to diapers and condoms.

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“With friends like Ex-Lax, who needs enemas?” Hee hee hee
Ditto what Algis said.
Thanks, Algis and Steve. I composed the first two slogans in high school and the third in my current grownup adolescence.
I also composed a slogan years ago and hoped I could sell it to the tourism board of State of Missouri to use on their licence plates. Still a dream.

"Welcome. Missouri loves Company"

Fusun, "Missouri Loves Company" is a winner! I'm surprised the tourist board didn't snap it up.