By Daniel Rigney
What if political news were presented in the style of tabloid gossip? (Oh, it already is?) It might go something like this ....
Mitt Romney’s ghostwriter is completing a memoir. The book will recount the G.O.P. standard-bearer’s childhood years as the son of a corporate CEO and state governor. Working title of the book: “Born in a Log Mansion.”
Will iconic icon George Clooney replace Joe Biden on the Democratic presidential ticket this fall? Insiders say the President’s thinking on the matter is “still evolving.”
In a related story, the Koch-funded Traditional Families for the Traditional Family announced today that none of its views are evolving, or ever will. A TFTF spokesman added that “our views on evolution itself remain unchanged,” and that “the only Darwinism we believe in is Social Darwinism.”
Former classmates of Dick Cheney whisper that as a student at the University of Wyoming, he and several fraternity brothers engaged in what are described as “youthful pranks” and “initiation hijinks” involving weaker classmates, a rope, a board, a washcloth, and a pitcher of beer. Officials say they have no record of these events to speak of.
Finally, mixologists at a country club in Palm Beach, Florida, the Hollywood of the Right, are concocting a new drink whose recipe includes pharmaceutical ingredients. The drink will be served discreetly and legally offshore, on a yacht with a small pharmacy, a licensed physician, and several "recreational consultants" aboard. Club officials say the drink will be called “The Rush,” but they refuse to disclose its ingredients or its namesake, saying only that it honors a “member in good standing.”
That’s the tabloid political gossip at this hour. Now back to your life, currently in progress.
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We interrupt your life to bring you this breaking political-celebrity update: Friends say Michele Bachmann is confiding to her husband that for years she has felt like an American citizen trapped in the body of a Swiss citizen trapped in the body of an American citizen. We'll continue to monitor this developing story as it unfolds on The Drudge Report.