By Daniel Rigney
Those of a certain age will remember Saturday morning television ads for the Chatty Cathy doll. Pull the cord and Cathy says endearing things like “I love you unconditionally” and “I’m glad you own me.”
This fall, as we approach the holidays, be watching for ads touting the new RepubliKen doll -- I mean political "action figure."
RepubliKen vaguely resembles in appearance another famous doll or action figure, Ken Mattel (Barbie’s old flame), but he’s several decades older and graying at the temples. And like Chatty Cathy, RepubliKen repeats the same phrases over and over, his voice activated by a smartphone instead of a pull cord.
Press the “cliché” button on the far right side of your phone and RepubliKen will repeat, endlessly and unthinkingly, simple phrases like these:
“Gubment is the problem.”
“I believe in market solutions.”
“Success is not a four-letter word.”
“I’m a libertarian conservative.”
“liberty freedom liberty”
“God bless the NRA.”
“peace through strength”
“Have your girl call my girl about bombing Syria.”
“fair and balanced”
“Obama is a socialist” [Muslim, atheist, Kenyan, etc.].
“Have your girl call my girl about deficit-reducing tax cuts.”
“Contraception is murder.”
“What's the Ledbetter Act?”
“Have your girl call my girl about women’s issues.”
“I believe in The Individual.”
“Corporations are individuals.”
"freedom liberty freedom"
“You're free to contribute millions to super PACs."
"Rove's girl will call your girl."
You can find RepubliKen wherever fine political toys are sold.*
*Batteries sold separately.