Daniel Rigney

Local man Fred Snorming called a news conference today to announce his retroactive retirement from the last three years of his life. He said he had taken a leave of absence from himself during that time and had no involvement in his day-to-day decisions, and therefore no responsibility for what may or may not have occurred then.

Snorming says he got the idea from Mitt Romney’s senior campaign adviser Ed Gillespie.

Gillespie appeared earlier today on CNN's "State of the Nation" with Candy Crowley, telling Crowley that candidate Romney left Bain in 1999 to “go save the Olympics,” and that he “ended up not going back at all [emphasis added] and retired retroactively to February of 1999 as a result.”

Crowley asked whether Romney, the CEO, sole owner and chief shareholder of Bain until 2002, “holds no responsibility” for decisions made at Bain during the intervening 3 years. Gillespie replied, “That’s correct ” – that Romney had no responsibility for Bain after his retroactive retirement, even though SEC documents indicate Romney was still officially CEO and Chairman of Bain during that time.

Gillespie commented that according to one Bain insider, Romney “wasn’t engaged in the day-to-day activities at all" [e.a.]. He added that Harvey Pitt, former SEC chairman, had said it’s “standard procedure for someone who still has the shares to sign the SEC form even if you’re not making the day-to-day decisions and have taken a leave of absence.”

Snorming told I-Witless News that he was excited to discover it is legally possible to retire retroactively. He says he has decided to take a retroactive retirement from the CEOship of his life to “spend more time with my past self.”

Snorming says he and his accountant are exploring the possible tax advantages of retroactive retirement.

Meanwhile, there is speculation that Gillespie may be considering retroactive retirement from the Romney campaign.

Danagram, for I-Witless News