By Daniel Rigney

Archeologists and archivists around the world, working independently of each other, have recently discovered several long-buried quotations from some of human history’s greatest achievers. The discoveries have coincided with the colorful festivities of the Republican National Convention in Tampa this week, where thousands of self-made men and women have gathered to celebrate themselves in an arena built largely by organized labor with public tax money.

Mitt Romney's convention theme: "You did build that." Achievements are individual, not communal. 

Even as the convention was being choreographed, Egyptian archeologists last week stumbled upon a stone ruin engraved with the last words of the pharaoh Ozymandias, who died while overseeing the construction of his own burial monument  by thousands of slaves. 

The Pharaoh’s last words:  “I built this pyramid. The slaves had nothing to do with it.”

Other recently discovered quotations echo this same theme of self-sufficiency and self-aggrandizement:

Julius Caesar: “I built this city.”

William Shakespeare (puckishly): “I created this language.”

Thomas Jefferson (in jest): “I taught myself everything I know.” (Jefferson went on to found the public University of Virginia.)

John Tyler: "I built this plantation."

Leland Stanford: “I built this transcontinental railroad and created jobs for thousands of Chinese employees.”

John D. Rockefeller: “I built this oil.”

Donald Trump: “I built this tower, and I grew this hair."

Ayn Rand: “I built this cult.”

Koch Brothers: “We built this grassroots movement.”

Bernard Madoff: "I built this pyramid scheme."

Alfred E. Neuman: “I built this magazine.”

Excuse me. [two fingers to ear]

We’re being told now that news of similar discoveries is arriving from all directions. Word of the discoveries is reaching the floor of the Republican National Convention as Mitt Romney prepares to deliver his nomination acceptance speech.

Are you an amateur archeologist or archivist who’s recently stumbled upon a long-buried quotation from a famous self-made man or woman? If so, please report your self-made discovery here.