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Politics and Culture in the Comic Zone

Daniel Rigney

Daniel Rigney
Location
New Texas, USA
Birthday
August 01
Title
free-range writer
Bio
In this writing workshop and citizen's blog I'm exploring various short forms, often from a satiric angle. My interests include politics, culture and the human comedy; old and new media; social theory and urban ethnography; the commercialization, corporatization and tabloidization of everything; sustainability; Unitarianism (UU); coffee; and writing (sorry, I mean providing content). Turtle stamp is from Tandy Leather. Interested in republishing a piece? Contact drigney3@gmail.com.

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FEBRUARY 22, 2014 6:42PM

HateShare: An Imaginary New Dating Service

Rate: 13 Flag

By Daniel Rigney

Satirical Enterprises has announced the launch of a new dating service based on the shared hatreds of its members. Get ready to meet HateShare, and through it, perhaps, your perfect match as well.

Unlike most dating services, which match people based on their shared interests and likes, HateShare looks for significant overlaps and patterns in our loathings and revulsions.

Suppose, for instance, that you despise the New York Yankees, Miley Cyrus, Fox News, Christmas, and okra. HateShare will find the fellow members who come closest to sharing these same antipathies.

To register, applicants complete a lengthy questionnaire that lists hundreds of familiar people, places and things. The applicant checks off at least 20 of these as hateful and ranks them in order of odiousness. Applicants are encouraged to choose as many hate-objects as they honestly can in order to increase their likelihood of being matched with like-minded haters, or "hate mates."

A secret algorithm crunches these negative preferences and spits out the names of those with whom the applicant shares a significant number of disharmonies.

Theoretically, you might think the perfect matchup would be between two people who both hate everything. In this instance, they’re hearts would seem to be pounding as one, if only in anger.

Yet paradoxically, a date between these two universal haters is not likely to go well, for the obvious reason that they’re likely to hate each other at first sight, and keep hating each other throughout the evening, making up seinfeldian excuses to call it a short night.

For this reason (call it the hater’s paradox), we can't recommend that you sign up for HateShare unless your hatreds are few and trivial.

Two haters will probably hate each other, but two people who like everything in the world but okra may have a bright future together so long as they don’t order gumbo on their first date.

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I think it sounds like a great idea. Two haters might like each other and that is all they need. I broke up with a fellow because he liked Garrison Keller of Prairie Home Companion and I hate that show. He hated Eckhart Tolle and I love him. Then there is always the ones who hates to mute while I love to mute. Seems that you need to mix some love in there somewhere.
Thanks, Zanelle. I like Garrison Keillor myself, but that shouldn't stand in the way of anything. I can very well see how he could be annoying to some.
Fabulous idea. For some, and thankfully not many, hate is more powerful than love.
/r.
Sad but true, oit. This post honors people who like lots of things and don't hate much. Thanks!
It's really true that what unites us is often not liking the same stuff, like not wanting pets or plants to take care of, not believing in much organized religion or joining most groups, and not wanting to smoke or drink, and not associating with certain kinds of people. It might work.
Yes, please! Let's leave out the okra!
(slimy, gross, oogy stuff--blecchh!)
R
and thanks for the good laugh!
Jacki2, I so agree, and thanks for your comment. Nowadays, for instance, politics isn't so much about who you're for as about who you're against. Who are you voting against this year?
Dan - don't get me started! All I can say is if it's Love at 1st Sight - there better not be any Lima Beans in our future! ha ha
I've come to the conclusion that the younger you are in the dating world; the less things you hate & THAT'S a good reason to stick with your childhood sweetheart & not find out later like I have that men don't like Bra Sizes 32 Long! Did I get off-topic? R
The moment that politics became a matter of voting for the least objectionable candidate/party, this became a viable concept.

I once nearly bought a franchise operation of a popular nation-wide dating service. In discussions with their management team, I discovered that what they consider one of their keys to success - and make no mistake they were wildly successful - was the questions on their application forms designed to elicit exactly what you suggest, a persons hates and dislikes!

Your idea has a lot more merit to it than you might think........

;-)
.
Oddly, I thought that was the ongoing strategy of eHarmony and Match, keep showing you people you can't stand and have nothing in common with, until you both break down and give it a try, for technology's sake. Because you believe in personality matching through an algorithm based on a questionnaire that would have been more accurately filled out by your sister.
Marilyn, hilarious as usual. Thanks for oversharing on the subject of undergarments, though I have nothing against the more mature sizes.
And as for Lima beans (you usually have another name for them), they're on my hate list too.

Sky and Oryoki, thanks for schooling me in the ways of dating questionnaires. I should have guessed that HateShare already exists under other names.
And Poor Woman, we're onthe same recipe book page when it comes to okra, though I do like it in gumbo only.
People are known to be completely dishonest about what they like and are looking for, usually saying the same things to appear to be better people than they are. However, people are more likely to bond over things they really dislike, even if they have little else in common.

I was mostly being sarcastic, I was astonished at the people eHarmony sent me because I was being as accurate with my questionnaire as possible (to me) and found they weighted what was important to me differently than I would have myself. One guy who got matched up with me, a biochemist, didn't want to date me but did want to have an intelligent conversation with someone who understood biochemistry so I could explain fatty acid metabolism to him!!! He still just wanted to date a model who wanted to stay home and make babies. He kept calling me for conversation but didn't want to go out. (Actually, I got a lot of that).
Poor Woman's description of okra sounds roughly like my wife's, but she's straight, married and taken.

Good idea, though. Zanelle, you don't like Garrison Keillor? I don't like his singing, but his sense of humor can be really good sometimes. Also, I really do like sound effects radio.
Somehow, I think your business would attract more Republicans.
Thanks, O, Kosher and onl, for your further thoughts on dating questionnaires , okra, Garrison Keillor, and Republicans. [Name four things that have never before appeared in the same sentence with each other.]

Onl, I suspect your right that the right are bigger haters, on average, though I can work up a fair bit of bile myself, especially toward limbaughs and their ilk. And what is an ilk anyway?
quick question:
Should Lima beans be capitalized whereas other staples such as ketchup and kale always use the lower case within a sentence?
Good punctuational eye, James. I looked this up. Although the beans come from South America in boxes marked Lima (capital of Peru), the bean is not, though the capital is, capitalized.
Does this explain Dennis Rodman and North Korea?
Once again, I offer you the T-Shirt/Bumper Sticker slogan:

Hate Is Great
[r] Daniel! you are on to something. Hateshare so in your face, though. How about commonprejudice.com sponsored by Tolerance Ltd. corp.? best, libby