So I made it through the weekend...and now another week of wife working with her gf begins today. I'm blessed that I have a business trip the latter half of the week; it's time to get away from this and breathe a bit.
It's weird to still be jealous, now that things are ending. I have the urge to snoop on them, to want to shield a marriage that's over in many ways anyhow.
Old habits die hard. I used to suspect, now and again, that she was having an affair, so I'd try to prove it to myself. I don't have to now. She was, she did, she IS in all ways at the moment except physically. I don't have anything left to prove or disprove, which both frees me from the fear of finding out and simultaneously saddens me.
I find I oscillate from "it's going to be so nice to have a place of my own" to "my life is over". Both and neither are true, I realize. It WILL be nice to run things my own way; to have a clean uncluttered house with things I've picked out. I wonder what my style will be? (*side note: I ordered the IKEA catalog yesterday.)
And yes, my life as I knew it is over. The main reason I'm carrying on as normal is for my oldest now; that and I can't drop 15 years of marriage so quickly. It needs the time to wither on the vine.
On the other hand for both, a place of my own will be lonely at times and hard, and my new life may be greater than I imagined.
Time will tell.
Happy Monday, OS'ers. Thanks for reading, and your support during this time.