"F*** you! Why did you ruin our life! I can't STAND this sh** one more minute!"
Yeah, that was me screaming about an hour ago. Alone in the car, thinking about everything that's gone on since last July, after I'd spent five months with my wife taking care of her PICC IV line every day during the beginning of the pregnancy while she was sick, when she decided to cheat on me right after with her girlfriend.
I was living in my head, trying to focus on the future and the joy that's yet to come for me. Really going deep...which, in hindsight, wasn't a great plan during a snowstorm. Still, I was picturing the happy future where I could leave the past behind me...but it wasn't taking, and I was stuck in the past stuff...
And then, some jerk cut me off, and I nearly crashed my car into a pole because of the snow.
Cue the swearing...but what came out of my mouth wasn't at the other car. It was at my wife, my companion of many years, the mother of my children. The one who cheated and kept cheating.
Last night she told me that she knew that in late December things would be exposed because her "pendulum, tarot cards and a psychic" all predicted it. Hmm...maybe it was because you were acting oddly and left a text message conversation on your phone about you and your girlfriend getting the chance to make love? No, that couldn't be it.
Wife yesterday graciously gave up a conference she was supposed to sell her custom jewelry at, because it conflicted with a holiday get-together for my family, and since this is most likely the last one she'll attend, I wanted us all together. That was meaningful to me, because the economy has affected her business greatly.
Of course, that meant that at 10 pm when her gf texted that she was at a gathering and there were a few people interested in hosting jewelry parties at their homes, and could she please come over and speak to them RIGHT then, I had no real defense to fall back on. She was only gone for about two hours...and she got three solid leads, but I don't trust that her gf didn't just text "I need you" and she went running.
I'm determined not to be bitter in the end. Still, I am clearly needing to get into this anger and feel the betrayal and humiliation so I can process it. Not sure what that means yet...but I got a good inkling this morning.
It means that if you cut me off...I'm going to be pissed at my wife. Kind of funny, really.
Thankfully, my car has good soundproofing...so you won't know it's her I'm pissed at.
Thanks for listening.