And so.

Sometimes you don't really realize a day is a milestone until the day after.

Sunday was a real downer of a day.  My parents, knowing that something was amiss, wanted to talk to me in private about what was going on, how I was feeling, our plans for the kids, etc.  I did the best I could with it, but it got difficult. 

I'd say the worst part was when my father, in a protective burst, told me that he wanted the "seed money" they'd given/lent us for the house back when we sold it, so that he could hold it in trust for me.  I tried to explain to him that not only could that be problematic legally, but it would make bad will between them and wife, and most likely ME and wife, at a time when I really need to minimize it.

He finally abandoned the subject when I literally got a stress headache out of nowhere in the car with him and, without knowing I was, started rubbing my head over and over.  He looked at me, said "I'm sorry I'm giving you a headache; I know you'll make the best decision you can", and dropped it. 

For the record, my parents are amazing and supportive people.  I just should have expected they'd want to keep talking about the issues at hand, especially since I'm leaving a big chunk out. 

On top of that, wife and I were both depressed because we realized that our last Valentine's Day as a couple had passed, and that means it's time to get to work, because Spring is coming. 

The house we live in is big and old, and there's tons to clean up and throw away.  Non-precious mementos of times gone past, old pieces of junk, things that don't matter, or that don't matter anymore.

Repairs to do, a realtor to call and come in to look at the place.  Paperwork to file about the separation, lawyers to speak to, counseling for me, her, us, the oldest. 

It just overtook both of us like a flood.  And then, on top of it all, pushing us along, gf's husband moved out of the house to his business space.  That act made it all much more real.

By dinnertime, when my parents brought in food, there was a layer of sadness unspoken between her and I, and the stress level was up.  The baby was colicky as well...and when my wife started getting really upset at the dinner table, my parents surprised her with energy bars so she could have easy access food and calories. 

I think the kindness is what brought the tears, knowing that a year from now she will no longer be part of my family, and that she hasn't acted well towards their son.

It reminded me of when I came back from a trip in November and brought gf a bag of organic wasabi peas (her favorite) as a "thank you" for helping wife out with the baby while I was away.  Gf BURST into tears and hugged me....wife said at the time it was because her husband didn't think of her enough.

Later on, when I was putting the pieces together, I realized it was guilt on her part for being part of the affair and not acting well. 

Valentine's Day Weekend ended with a whimper; we went to bed and said good night.  This week, time is moving on.  There are new challenges to face, more discussions, and a calendar to plan.

I officially hate this the way I hate taking bitter medicine.  I know it's good for me, I know I MUST take it to be healthy...but part of me would rather stay sick.

Still, I'm pressing on.

Thanks for listening.