Divorceland: Patience and wanting to kick a cat.
The tension is mounting.
As the time of putting the house on the market gets closer, I am realizing just how much work there is to be done, and how much OF that work is falling on my shoulders.
We had a handyman come look at the house on Tuesday; he is supposed to give us a detailed estimate of how much it'll cost to get the house ready today. I'm hoping we can afford his services.
On top of that, there are closets to be emptied, a basement to be sorted, cleaned, and construction materials to be moved to the garage. I have rooms to pack and stage for the open house to come, tubs to scrub and paint, and other assorted items on my list.
This is, of course, in addition to my "day job" and preparing my son's school computers (my second job) for the school year. Between the two jobs, we're talking 50 hours a week right now, and I'm also taking care of both children most nights when I get home and an hour before I go to work.
My STBX is trying to get her small business off the ground and is watching the baby. In addition, she's got nighttime duty with the baby, since I obviously don't nurse.
That's it for her. She's not helping clean the house, not emptying any closets, not doing anything at this point to help with the move. I know EVENTUALLY she'll have to start packing boxes, discarding clothes, etc.; however, right now it's all on me.
Am I being patient? Yes, pretty much. I get frustrated when I can't get as much done in a night as I'd like to, and I'm more tired than I used to be, largely because I'm still healing up from the MS flare. Still, I have a basic timetable and know I can get most of the house ready in time.
So what set me off? Well, it was something small. I picked up the vegetables and fruits from our farm share yesterday (my wife was at a small business event she needed to go to), and came home to a refrigerator full of spoiled, uncleaned food that I needed to put all the fresh stuff in. In the meantime, the baby was crying and there were fruit flies in the kitchen.
So I tossed a bunch of nasty food into the sink with the other dishes(noone had emptied the dishwasher), made sure the stuff got into the fridge, fed the baby (who's teething and having a rough go of it), got the baby to sleep, and went about cleaning a couple boxes for the move.
And I promptly forgot about cleaning the rest of the fridge and sorting it all out.
About 10:00 my STBX, already grumpy from her lack of success at the meeting, opens the fridge and starts going off on me about how I didn't put the stuff away right when she asked, how I'm not responsible, that I'm not going to feed the kids well and I'm not helping enough, etc.
This goes on for HALF an HOUR. I didn't say a word, just walked into the other room a few times, listening to the ranting going on from a distance.
Finally she stops and says "do you have anything to say for yourself"? I smile and say "I was rushed, the baby was wailing and there were fruit flies everywhere, and I forgot afterwards".
Wrong thing to say, because it led to ANOTHER lecture about how she has to deal with all this stuff every week and how I must have forgotten because it wasn't important to me...and she was off again. I left the room.
About 15 minutes later, she said good night and went to bed. I stayed up another hour to breathe and then hit the sack, because I would have kicked a cat at that point if it had purred at me.
Today I'm bringing the kids with me to see my parents for the weekend. I wonder if my STBX will do any cleaning or packing while I'm away?
For that matter, since she's never wanted to learn how to pay bills (she tried once, said it was too tough, gave it back to me), empty garbage, clean toilets and bathtubs, or do anything in the basement...I wonder how she's going to handle that once we move.
No matter what, the move will be on in a couple months, and the house goes up for sale soon.
With the exception of the kids, it can't be soon enough at this point.
Thanks for listening,