About two years ago I had the television turned on to a football game between two major universities.  One team had made a drive down the field,the drive having stalled, called upon their kicker, a freshman, to score three points that they desperately needed.  The kid came out on the field, kicked the ball and missed the goal posts by a country mile.  The stadium, capacity of more than 100,000 people erupted in a creshendo of boos.

  It occured to me as I watched this young, very young man walk off the field head down, dejected, that this was someone's 18 year old son.  A kid who no more than a year ago was kicking field goals for his high school team in front of supportive crowds, made up of parents and friends no larger than several hundred or possibly a thousand. Here he was, on national television, being booed by the "supporters" of his team.

 A few years earlier I might not have noticed, but a few years earlier I didn't have a daughter who was also playing college athletics. What I knew was that my daughter still had the teddy bear she loved as a baby on her bed, she still crawled into my lap on a particularly bad days, she wasn't tough enough to be booed by thousands of people and somehow I don't think that young man was either.  Nor should they be. They are engaged in college athletics, not professional athletics.  They aren't paid vast sums of money to do what they do.  The lucky few do receive the Holy Grail of college sports, "the full ride scholarship", but most are on partial scholarships and many more just play for the love of the game. These are STUDENT athletes.  Why do we treat them as if they owe us the best in professionalism?

 And today as I picked my my newspaper the front page was consumed by a story about colleges and unversities obtaining verbal committments from students as young as 13 or 14.  The consenus of the sports writers was that early college recruitment is a good thing, after all the athlete isn't required at that age to honor the committment. What wasn't said was that neither is the university.

  I often wonder what it says about our culture that we place such emphasis on athletics and the cult of the celebrity athlete.  Do we identify ourselves as 'winners" because our sports team wins. And if that is the case, why?  Why do we need to divide ourselves into winners and losers?

 I am a competitive person. I enjoy a good athletic event as well as anyone but I question the national obsession with sports.  If the Super Bowl was played on a weekday there is no doubt in my mind it would be a National Holiday.

 For all but the most gifted athletes years of participation on select or elite travel teams is required to participate in college sports. In the off season the young athlete must  continue practicing their skill set. In my daughter's case,  a softball catcher, she took batting class, catching class, indoor practice with her summer team during the winter and caught her high school and travel pitchers through out the off season. She began her sports career the summer between first and second grade.  She was soon identified as athletically talented and offered a spot on an elite travel softball team. She had always been passionate about her sport, but how do you know when someone is ten years old whether or not they will want to play in college? You don't, but if you wait until they are 15 or 16 it is too late as others who have been playing and improving since they were youngsters will eclipse the "late in life" athlete.

 The chances of a young athlete being "discovered" by a big time university athletic program is about the same as lightning striking the same spot twice unless they are an athletic freak of nature, a beast at their sport.  Competition is fierce for spots on Division 1 (or big school) athletic programs. These are the schools with the money for athletic scholarships; the coaching staffs are buried with videos, resumes,emails and phone calls from potential athetes and their parents.

 In our case we traveled to various parts of the country where my daughter played in college exposure tournaments so that college coaches could attend selected venues to look at the athletes.  Those tournaments resulted in a flood of letters, but it was only after some tough experiences in which she had thought she was seriously being considered for a scholarship and was suddenly dropped from consideration, that we learned to ask, "where is she on the list?" We were able to use the answer as a strategy to evaluate her chances of playing in any specific program.  If she wasn't in the top two or three recruits it was time to move along. 

   Making the decision about where your child is going to college isn't an easy one in any case.  What kind of school is it, how much will it cost, do they have the course of study my child is interested in?  All play roles in the selection process.  Marrying those concerns to an athletic program, a coach and a team adds complexity.  In our case my daughter had no idea what she wanted to study-other than "not math." Googling for a school that has a major in "I dunno" is a frustrating process.  "Not math" is not a particularly good rationale for eliminating a school from contention.

 Another facet of college recruiting that we learned the hard way is that coaches can go cold on an athlete as quickly as they express interest.  The letters, emails, and calls stop as suddenly as they begin.  What that meant was that the situation had changed or some one new had come across the radar screen.  In one particularly sad case a one time team mate of my daughter's was extended a verbal offer which was rescinded leaving  her without a school or the scholarship money she had been counting on to help pay for school. No explanation was given other than the coaching staff had decided they didn't need another infielder.  Coaching Division 1 college teams is about putting together a winning program, not about the individual athlete. It's nothing personal, it's business. If your child is being recruited, never forget that one thing-it's a business and big money is at stake.

 So what about the money?  What about all those athletic scholarships?  I can only speak for softball, but here are the logistics.  There are 133 Division 1 teams that have softball as a varsity sport. Most teams carry a roster of 16 to 22 players. That is an average of 19 girls on a team.  If you mutiply that out that totals 2527 Division 1 players at any one time.  Softball is allowed 12 scholarships.  Normally one full ride is saved for a special pitcher.  Another may be used for a kid that can power the ball over the fence on a regular basis. The remaining ten are divvied up between the rest of theplayers.  I presume it is the same with most other college sports.  Men's basketball and football no doubt are better funded. So, you think your child is going to be the next big deal?  Do the math.

  As it happened, my daughter's choices came down to a small D1 institution and a D3.  The difference between a D1 and a D3 is that D3  schools have no money to give for athletic scholarships. The coach at this one had been very persistent in pursuing my daughter. We visited the school, my daughter loved it.  However, the $42,000 per year price tag made my hair stand on end. However, what many D3 schools have is money for academic scholarships and my daughter had always done the job in the classroom. When the two offers were laid down side by side, there was no contest.  The D3 was offering a "full ride" only it was for brains, not athletic prowess. (As it happens their softball team was pretty good too-knocking off D1's in off season exhibition games and carrying a number one ranking for most of one season.) The other thing she liked about the D3 offer was the fact that if for any reason she decided not to play due to injury or the realization that there is more to life than sport she would keep her scholarships.  And that is exactly what happened.  Her love affair with softball was over after the first year of college ball. Though she still misses competition her school has opened her up to the fact that it is a big world,which is what college is supposed to do.

 As for the girls she played with summer after summer for so many years. All who wanted to play in college found spots on college teams but now, three years later, only two or three are still playing.  Some, like my daughter were ready to move on, for others the situation wasn't wasn't as presented, or they didn't care for the college game.

 Our softball summers became about more than softball and I am grateful for them, but the college recruiting process?  I have mixed feelings on that.  It is hard on kids as it is a roller coaster ride.  The highest of heights or the lowest of lows depending on who called or emailed that day. It was stressful for my daughter not knowing where she was going to school as her friends who didn't play made their college decisions early and could begin planning for the next year. Ultimately I am glad we did it as it was her sport and the recruiting process that led her to an outstanding education at a school she loves that I never would have dreamed she could attend. Oh, and to the kicker I saw on televison that day-don't worry kid, you'll get it next time.