Awh, this is sad Dave. Great writing though.

R~

Sometimes it just gets all used up doesn't it? Great sadness expressed in so few words. R

:(

Rated.

R- Dave I think this is how I may feel about my former muse.

Beautiful, Dave! msp

I so know this feeling. From both sides.

One day love will find you, light a spark in your heart, take you to bed and then burn your house down while you sleep. I've been on both ends of your prose and each is filled with deep sadness.

good work.

Too many disappointments and tears can most certainly take it's toll.

Goosebumps. That's my best compliment. I've been there, I AM there.

Felt this one a lot.

Dave, I feel as sorry for you as the next person, assuming this is auto-biographical. Can't say it's really age appropriate though. Man up and move on.
As far as the writing? It's juvenile, and frankly any 13 year old girl could do better. People who say "great writing" are ass kissers. Why they would want to kiss your ass I'm not certain. Please remove me from your three to four a day blog whore notices. Don't feel obligated to comment on my blog either... that is, if I ever post again. This circle jerk mentality at OS is making me rather ill lately.

yes it is my dear,
but I too took a picture like that.
jagged little tears
to quote my friend Alanis,
rated with hugs

I understand this completely, so very well done.

dave - perhaps now, following trigs comment, you understand what you called my intensity and anger.

this place has become about popularity and the number of comments and rates and friends etc., and quality has flown out the window.

it aint pretty and it aint popular to say it, but the bar has been so lowered around here and the comment whoring has gotten so out of control that some of us find ourselves frustrated & righteouslyanfry...yes angry.

when people write "great writing" on every single piece they read, regardless of the quality, it simply dilutes that compliment when made on something that truly IS great writing.

you say we dont have to read you or anyone else, and that is true. you can say there are plenty of gems on OS, you just have to dig for them and that is also true. but that IS the point. we are angry and frustrated at having to dig. the best of the best should be front & center, not buried.

Wow. I am amazed. Dave. You are clearly among great poets - that is to say, your simple, heartfelt words have spurred passion among others.

I do love this poem. Its succinct simplicity summarizes a world of emotion and experience universal to so many people. It is possible that it speaks to a more mature audience and that people with less world experience simply cannot the grasp the undertones.

Thank you for this beautiful work!

Hey, Kit Queen of Fuckmuppetry Duncan.
"It is possible that it speaks to a more mature audience and that people with less world experience simply cannot the grasp the undertones."
Assuming you are speaking of me as one of those with "less world experience" let me just say that you speak from your monkey butt. I can grasp the undertones, the overtones, and all the tones in between.
This is a few sentences of crap. It makes my heart bleed. I have tears in my eyes. A sixty year old man had to witness she who had no more tears. YOU Kit Duncan make a lot of people ill by encouraging this kind of crapola. That being said, I can't criticize your writing because you actually have skills. Lay off the fuckmuppetry though... please

Wow! This is fun. I can hardly wait to see where it goes from here. Thanks for all who commented. Your comments are taken in the same manner as they were given. Thank you.

Sad subject but great writing.

sad, so sad.
~R~

You are excellent at putting entire scenes into a few stanzas.

I like the poem it is straight to the point. It is heartfelt and geniune.
I do not know why others get joy of tearing others down. I say once again, IF YOU DO NOT LIKE SOMETHING THAT SOMEONE HAS WRITTEN GO TO ANOTHER BLOGGERS PAGE there are literally hundreds of them out there.

Hi Dave...I really love the simplicity of the poem and the image you put with it. xoxoxoxox

Numb....I know the feeling well. But how can I be numb if reading that made me sad?

Tough little piece. Enjoyed.

Raney

Been there...giving up hope in the hope of giving up despair. a full poem very r

This sounds very Japanese. Ever visit? work for a J. company? marry a J.? overindulge in J. food?

You and Mark Trost. Singing the blues. Damned good blues, tho. Damned good!

Profound is a humble description of this.

-R-

Um...do I smell a conspiracy? Yeah, shit, probly. The old Lion King story, OS style? You young whippersnappers, how dare you come into this sacred place without first learning the proper embouchure - and applying it until we allow you to rise, etc.

Maturity? Oh, yeah...heh heh heh heh...

it's tragic and beautiful, Dave
r

Dave,
This is beautiful. It reminds me of something from mythology, but at the moment, I cannot call it to mind. It's concise and each word carries the weight that is necessary. It moved me.

Powerful image.

Feeling a little sad today. I'm sorry. Beautiful, succint expression of a very complex issue.
Lezlie

I can feel the emptiness of this woman's heart - like walking on jagged rocks. Spare and convincing.

wrung dry good!

Done. you "did' DONE very well!

I would hug too, if I saw any tears. If only. . . Very poignant, Dave.
~R

It seems like these five lines created quite a controversy with some. It is always good to get feedback, whether it is good or bad. It helps one grow.

Some thought this piece was autobiographical. It is not, but it could be for any of us. Would it be a stretch to say a lot of us are one paycheck away from disaster? I think not, but maybe I am wrong.

Poetry is supposed to evoke an emotion, whether good or bad. I appreciate both.

******************************************************************************

Joy: Sorry it is sad. There are sad people out there. Thanks.

Shiela: Thanks for your kind words, as always.

Tink: be happy! It is OK

Snarky: What about your new muse? Excuse me! Thanks.

Cathy: sorry for that! Thanks for stopping by.

Graham: “One day love will find you, light a spark in your heart, take you to bed and then burn your house down while you sleep.” That may be one of the most profound statements I have heard. Thanks.

Fay: Yes it can; for so many.

Jlynne: Thanks for the goosebumps, but get rid of them. Take care, my friend.

WendyLynn: Thanks. I am glad you felt it.

Trig: I accept and appreciate your honest critique of my writing. I will take your words and try to build on them to get better.

Linda: I am glad it hit a chord with you. Peace and love, my friend.

LL2: Thanks. I appreciate your words.

Lorianne: Your words mean a lot to me, and I will take them and try to get better. Thanks for reading my piece.

Kit: you are way too kind. What did MS say? That is the important thing.

Scanner: Thanks, it is sad. It happens though.

Unbreakable: Sad, but true for many. Thanks.

Dr.Spudman: I only know how to do a few stanzas. Thanks.

Happy go lucky: Thanks for your kind words. It will be fine.

Robin: I always enjoy your comments. Hang in there, girl. I love you.

Melanie: Your are not numb; you are thinking.

Raney: tough, but true. Thanks for reading.

Persistent: We have probably all been there. Your words are appreciated.

Jali: Thanks. I don’t know about the whole “men” thing, but I appreciate it.

Leon: I stayed two weeks in Hokkaido, Japan. Learned a lot. Thanks.

Matt: Maybe Mark and I are soul mates. It was from the heart. Thanks.

Lady: your comment is my supreme compliment. Thanks.

Matt: Now, Now!

Poppi: Not as good as your stuff, but I try. thanks.

Fingers: Your words always mean a lot to me.

Romantic: you know I respect what you say…always. Thanks.

L: Complex, it is. Thanks, Lezlie

LadySlipper: I am glad you felt it. That is the idea. Thanks.

mLee S: Jagged it is. Thanks.

Mark: thanks for thinking so. I try.

Maria: Can I take that as a compliment? If not, I will anyway.

Shannon: It is “done.” Thanks.

Fusun: No tears? Sorry. Hug when you can. Thanks for reading.

Dave, this is so sad, and i don't mean to make a pun, but it is piercing. r

Powerful. Haunting. Edgy. Takes time to digest -- like swallowing a stone. Rated and Raw

you take my comment rightly; as a compliment.

man, this is so heartwrenching.

This is very, very good. Love it with the picture, too.

Yes, this is sad and heart wrenching...expressed well.