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AUGUST 24, 2009 10:11AM

Thanks, I Needed That

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Tomorrow is the anniversary of my "termination." That's a nice phrase, isn't it? It sort of implies that, yes, you don't have a job anymore but it wasn't your fault. Saying "you're terminated" is nonjudgmental, unlike "you're fired." It's another way of saying, it's just one of those things.

One of those things that has happened to several million people since December 2007.

I've been trying to keep my mind off the upcoming anniversary. And how am I doing that? Well, for starters, I read an article at Cracked.com that was written by John Devore. It is titled "8 Ways To Stay Positive About This Goddamn Stupid Recession."

OK, that probably isn't the best way to accomplish my objective. Forgive me. I've been out of work for a year.

On the other hand, maybe it is the best way.

Recently, the pastor of my church delivered a sermon about the role of humor in faith. During his sermon, he quoted Charlie Chaplin, who said, "To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain and play with it."

My pastor spoke about people who have experienced real physical pain. Cancer victims. Being out of work isn't painful in that way, but, trust me, it is painful enough.

So, in the spirit of "laughter is the best medicine," I read Devore's article. And I have to give him credit for summarizing some things pretty well.
  • Being out of work is "exhilarating," he says, "like being chased by bears."

    I've compared it to trying to climb a mountain while an avalanche is coming down around you. But Devore's analogy is probably funnier.

  • When he wrote about making new friends, I could sympathize with his observation that "[l]aughs will be had with Raaj at the copy center, as I fax my resumes off to prospective employers and crack jokes about how I'll never ever hear back from them."

    I know the feeling. I often feel like I am dumping my resumes in a black hole.

  • And Devore makes some profound (and often humorous) observations about the things he is learning about life.

    "I've learned how to beg," he writes, "because you can't eat integrity. That God doesn't answer prayers, as he's an aloof prick."

    And then there is this one: "On Facebook, no one can hear you scream."
I'm thinking about putting that last one in as my status update on Facebook. And leaving it there indefinitely.

But maybe I won't. It might be too depressing to realize that no one is paying any attention to it.

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I get the feeling you're a fellow newspaper person who's out of a job. You've got eight months on me. But I wasn't "terminated." No, on April Fool's Day, my newspaper job of nearly two decades was "eliminated," like it had been shot out of the corporate poop chute.

I'm wishing better luck for both of us in the future.
Greetings fellow unemployed pal. My bum-aversary is around the corner so you have a bit of a head start on me. I'm trying to keep it humorous myself. It helps to have a posse of the unemployed. Stay positive and know that better times are coming 'round the corner.
In Ireland, you are "made redundant"...that one always struck me as odd.
stop whining. you are blessed to live in a vibrant innovative capitalist society. if you are unwanted, that's your fault, lazy probably, or ugly. or at least old.

it's true there has been a little, a teeny-tiny blip on the upward surging capitalist economy, but that just provides a time to purge the free-loaders, like you.

on the other hand, if you should find yourself in employment again, and you attend a hate session specifically targeting socialism, you are allowed to wonder, ever so slightly, if socialism is really so bad. don't say it, of course.
There is always Wal*Mart. Just as depressing as unemployment, but a tinge-of-embarrassment-about-working-there bonus.
My stepfather got laid off from outside sales almost a year ago, when he had to turn in his company car and Blackberry. A few months ago in a fit of desperation he applied to work at WalMart, but didn't pass the initial assessment. If that's not a slap in the face I don't know what is.