Well I said I wouldn't do it. I swore I wouldn't watch him. I was warned against it. But then I turned him on and he ATE A SHEEPS HEART RAW. I mean, you can't make this stuff up!

And now I have to watch him, I mean, pretty soon it's going to be Me and You vs. Wild and I'm pretty sure we need some boning up on this stuff. There ain't gonna be no Jack in the Box dinners when the world goes crazy. So.

I'm learning how to eat large worms without gagging, making ladders on trees as escape routes, how to catch a catfish with some line and a hook. Avoid hippo's, eat coyote cast-off, know which ants will hurt and which will not. And if I find a dead sheep - use him for his internal organs (food) and his coat (warmth). Don't pass anything up.

He taught me how to make a fire in a coke can. He catches a gecko with his hands. It wriggles a bit, its eyes bugging out and it watches its' killer. He manhandles his pocket knife and saws the head off the gecko, throws it away. Then after preparing himself (and us) psychologically, he drops the raw gecko body into his mouth and proceeds to chew, his mouth involuntarily making a frown, his eyes rolling a bit back in his head. My dog just kills them and rolls on them. Whole.

Giada, my favorite diva from the Food Network is a little less rough. Tonight she is making grilled asparagus with melon and prosciutto, crisping the prosciutto in the oven first, while grating mozzarella - sea salt! - then the prosciutto is crumbled on the top of the asparagus for that salty bite. She sprinkles pine nuts on top for that rich, creamy flavor.

Next she is preparing fusite and spicy pesto. She's wild and crazy tonight, adding a habanero to the pesto sauce, leaving the seeds of the habanero! along with walnuts and garlic. Into the food processor goes baby arugela and spinach, with grated mozzarella [sea salt!] & pepper. She's pulsing it in the food processor, then adds a 1/4 cup xtra virgin olive oil. The fusite is steaming away, al dente, of course. Save the pasta water in case you want to thin out the pesto a little bit, she advises. You won't be sorry.

Man vs. Wild is dropped off in the middle of nowhere in Tanzania and the first thing he must find is a river. Finding fresh water ups your chances of survival. He walks/runs/slides down the hill. Consults his compass and heads west. The compass is also his watch and his mirror and probably a fish hook. He pulls a large snail off of a tree, he pries its slimy body out of the shell, tries washing the goo off with some water from his canteen. Then he pops it into his mouth and starts chewing it and attempts to describe the taste to his viewers, "It's like chewing a smokey slimy booger" his eyes squint with the attempt to not gag. He swallows it without aid of any liquid. I'm impressed. It's pure protein. It will get him where he needs to go. Last week he scooped up Bear poop and crumbled it apart until he found some salvageable seeds intact and popped them into his mouth.

Giada pulls apart a walnut to drop the meat onto her salad. She washes her hands with liquid soap, the ocean gleaming out the window of her malibu home. She tastes the spicy habanero pesto and pronounces it, perfect! It has a kick and it's so creamy from the cheese blended into it.

Man is creating a rope to tie around his camp to alert him if a bear stumbles onto him.

Giada opens the door to her girlfriend - they are having exquisite brownies for dessert, with graham cracker crust.

Giada squints out at the malibu sun. Man eyes the brown bear lumbering down the hill toward him.