What To Do With $1000.00

Existential Angst.

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Deborah Young

Location: Honolulu, Hawaii, U.S.A.
Birthday: July 30

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Bio: I'm a political analyst and cultural voyeur & usually write about when those two things merge. I'm an amateur mother, a professional reader and excel in generalized anxiety, although sadly there is very little reimbursement for that particular skill. And of course, I love books & dogs.

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OCTOBER 28, 2009 12:38PM

Rate: 14 Flag

This article in MONEY magazines November 2009 issue caught my attention.

What to do with $1000?

They suggest: Top off your Emergency Fund! You need fully six months worth of expenses set aside in a liquid account.

I respond: Of what Emergency Fund do you speak ? How about START an Emergency Fund? Oh that's right, I can't because:

They suggest: Spend 5 hours with a Financial Planner.

I respond: Oh, you mean like the ones who allocated my 401K into the gutter where it has lost half of its worth? Or the ones who said there would be no recession/depression/housing bubble? Those financial planners? Well I would love to get terrible advice again, but I can't because:

They suggest: Upgrade your home appliances.

old-stove

I respond: Hmmmm, I could use a new stove. The oven runs so high we pretty much live on burned food. But I can't because:

They suggest: Donate to a charity! Forget the emergency fund and the trashed 401K or the financial planners who planned my never- being- able- to- retire. I can donate sheep to needy rural families or give a microloan to a 3rd world entrepreneur or have 1000 trees planted to stop erosion and green up the planet.

I respond: How 'bout donating to myself? Burned sheep sounds pretty good just about now.

They suggest: Beef up your IRA.

I respond: What IRA?

They suggest: Become a star at work! Take a class! Buy a session with an executive coach! Build your own website! Dress a level above your job! Network by taking current or former co-workers to lunch!

I respond: Wait. Dress a level above your job? Whaaa....?

They suggest: Update your Estate Documents. I would but:

I respond: I would need an actual estate to do that.

They suggest: Start a young investor off right!

I respond: You mean my multi-pierced, condom-hiding teenage son? Are you high?

I further respond and suggest what to do with $1000.00:

Can you start an emergency fund when you're already in an emergency? Or
Hunt down those financial planners who sacked my 401K. Or
Get a damn new stove. Or
Deposit into my sons college account which has exactly $753.00 in it at present. That should get him off to a nice start! Or
Open up an IRA. What would Suze Orman do? Or
Dress at the same level as my job - there's a concept! Or
Look into buying an actual estate. Or

Buy my multi-pierced teenager a used car so I don't have to drive him everywhere...

used-car-sign

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Comments

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Mad Magazine would have better suggestions of what to do with $1,000. r.

OEsheepdog

October 28, 2009 12:52 PM

Oh this was fun, but in a tongue in cheek sort of way. I know how ridiculous some of the advice these magazines give, and it is good to read a real response...where are we supposed to find this $1,000 anyway?

I like your last suggestion on how to spend it!
R

BuffyW

October 28, 2009 12:53 PM

Give it to me and I'll invest it for you.

john blumenthal

October 28, 2009 12:53 PM

Wakingupslowly mentioned in her latest blog how she spent hers:

spent

my one-time $1,000 bonus on a brand new

loveseat and sofa.

Now that's a good idea.

Deborah Young

October 28, 2009 12:55 PM

Say, if you've got that thousand bucks can I borrow a hundred to get my car tagged?

bobbot

October 28, 2009 01:01 PM

I love it when wealthy people give "us" advice on what to do with 1K. They ASSUME that we have much, much more than 1K. Not always the case. If I had an extra 1k I'd maybe buy a new mattress.

Roger Fallihee

October 28, 2009 01:08 PM

Fill up your tank and fill up a grocery cart and that should just about take care of a $1000.00.
R~

scanner

October 28, 2009 01:15 PM

I'm certain that if it didn't go to bills, the money would go to the latter cause - 'cuz that's priceless.

Owl_Says_Who

October 28, 2009 01:20 PM

I always wonder just who they are writing to with all their advice. People who have money socked away are ahead of the game. But those who did have it saved, watched it slowly slip away mostly through no fault of their own. Assholes. I imagine my electric company would like to know if I've got an extra grand laying around.

Julie Tarp

October 28, 2009 01:27 PM

These kind of article bug me, they are just annoying. How about some REALISTIC ideas, lol :)

*Put $200 toward your power bill.
*Stock up on staple pantry items.
*Car repairs?
*Hide some cash somewhere in the house.

;P Rated!

LadyMiko

October 28, 2009 02:40 PM

It just shows how completely out of touch with reality these Armani-suited, Acura-driving, Aruba-vacationing, Apartment on the Upper West Side living A-holes are from the rest of us.

Yeah, right-- donate 1,000 trees to green the planet...

CarolinaBlue50

October 28, 2009 04:51 PM

I was hoping for information on where to FIND that much money. Crap foiled again...Great post about the ignoramuses who abound out in the world.

Lunchlady 2

October 28, 2009 05:36 PM

I do have $1,000.00 sitting in some CD or something, but if I could just spend $1,000.00 I'd take a trip somewhere. Love your kitchen cupcake tea towel.