I just realized yesterday that my husband and I have been together longer than he and his first wife: the mother of his children and his highschool sweetheart.

We were walking aimlessly around the San Antonio mall [much busier than the Ala Moana Mall in Honolulu and I thought that was the busiest mall] .

Husband had The Cheesecake Factory gigantic pager in his pocket, there was an hour wait. My newly graduated Airman and his two buddies were lounging about looking at computers and it occured to me to ask him: "How long were you and your first wife together?"

He thought about this and said, "6 years." And how long did you date? "3 years" Omigod! I said. We've been together 10 years! I win! [I didn't know I was competitive over my husband until that moment.] He smiled wisely and said, "Now can you just let her go and move on?" which was a joke and kind of funny. Not really.

After his divorce and before I met him he did date a lot and had one long-term 5 year shack-up relationship and 1 tiny little marriage that lasted 2 months. Apparently he married the type of woman you're not supposed to marry. But he thought, what the hell? And two months later his daughter handed him the yellow pages to find a good divorce lawyer.

When I met my husband I was regaled with tales of the 4 previous most important women in his life: his first wife, his 5 years shack-up, his second wife of 2 months and his last psycho girlfriend. [God bless her.] He talked about them so much, as if he needed to impart some important relationship issues into our new one, that I felt I knew each woman intimately. I finally had to ask him to stop talking about them. They were like friendly ghosts who were always around us. I was sick of them. But each one had left a very important mark on my husband and he needed to convey that to me.  

When his first wife cheated on him and then told him she was leaving him for one of her affairs, my husband took his gun and nonchalantly put it to the head of her future husband. My husband had two small children, a good job, a home he had created for his family and it was all about to be taken away by his wife's sexual whim. The wise Wyoming judge who heard the ensuing case suggested that my husband move somewhere where he wouldn't be tempted to hold guns to his wife's lovers' heads.

He ended up in Hawaii. I met him 20 years later.  

I had a lot of time to think on our recent trip from Colorado to Texas and then coastal Texas to San Antonio. There's a lot of time to think while you're passing endless Ramada Inns, La Quintas, Whataburgers, Sonic Burgers, McDonalds, Best Buys, Exxons, BBQ joints, Fish houses, Bed, Bath and Beyonds, The Cheesecake Factorys, Burger Kings, Pizza Huts, Valero's, H.E.B. and Claires; so-help-me-God what is wrong with America that it's nothing but Franchises?! 

On the first day of our 3-day road trip, planned far in advance and talked about endlessly, my husband freaked out that we were actually on a 3-day road trip. He was in shock in the car; "We have 3 more days of this?" he complained? "What part of 3-day road trip did you not understand?" I queried. He alternated between: Lets drive 20 hours straight just to get there AND let's find the nearest hotel and just stop this madness.  I alternated between: how can I knock him unconscious so I can make this trip enjoyable and pondering just how unconscious he already is.

We travel everywhere with our two dogs: our grumpy 9 year old Blue Heeler and 2 year old joyful Joe, the chihuahua/terrier mix. We're a moveable circus. On this trip I said to my husband: "someday, when we grow up, can we stay in an actual hotel room that is not pet-friendly and therefore not gross and falling apart?" He said he'd think about it. Those dogs are like his service dogs for social-anxiety. He and the dogs have each other while I maneuver and negotiate with the outside world of people, credit cards, convenience store employees and navigate large events. Which does cause infrequent break-through screaming events in such places as Best Buy parking lots. But that's another story.

Yes, like all of us he is quirky. His first wife had him during his youth, his new fatherhood, his strength, his wildness. I inherited a wiser, more thoughtful man, though often channeling his inner 15 year old. He also was diagnosed with M.S. 4 years ago, probably having had it for the last 20 years. So watching him deal with a chronic illness is something she never went through.

In the meantime the dogs think of him as the "Deer Hunter" ever since he brought them to a deer carcass in Colorado and let them gnaw on it to their hearts content on a daily basis. Neighbors and relatives consider him "shy." Former flames consider him a heart-breaker. 

And I know he - and our marriage - is a work in progress.