I know hoarding resides on that vast continuum that makes up the neuroses and predilections of Human Beings.

My ex-husband began hoarding 2 years before our divorce and is burdened to this day by his need to hoard and the soothing mechanism that it affords him.

But I hadn't expected to meet it again smack in my face when visiting a friend. And from that short visit, I see that hoarding is isolating and eventually you end up alone - with all of your stuff surrounding you like a prison of boxes and bags and stacks and animals. Eventually nobody will want to visit you and you won't be able to leave your stuff in order to visit others. Perhaps this isolation suits some hoarders but I'm sure quite a few end up quite lonely without really understanding why.

Four years ago I worked with a woman in Honolulu named Tammy. She flew out from Texas to work at my company for awhile and we hit it off. We spent 3 months working together, shoulder to shoulder on our computers. When she flew back to Texas we promised to stay in touch and have done so. It's especially easy because we are in the same business and we often send each other work or share connections or potential job possibilities.

Recently my husband and I were driving through Texas so we were able to make a quick stop in to visit with her. And that is how I discovered that she is a hoarder. 100% bona fide hoarder.

I was a little shocked when she came to the gate with her hair grown long down her back and her roots gray halfway down her head, the rest of her long hair artificially colored. She looked as if she hadn't looked in a mirror for a few months. She works from home so rarely has social contact. She and her husband had not managed to come to visit us for 2 months - although we were only 3 hours away, because they couldn't leave "the dogs."

Tammy lives on 5 acres with her 2nd husband. They have been together for 7 years. They own chickens, guinea hens, sheep and 5 large dogs. When we arrived she had to come out and open an electric gate for us to enter. Her dogs were in the house; her parents were visiting so we were able to meet them also. After we walked our 2 dogs and put them back in the jeep, she brought us inside.

At first glance her home looked normal, except for the 5 exuberant dogs jumping all over us and the black baby lamb who just joined the brood. The lambs mother had rejected her so Tammy and her husband were hand feeding her and raising her in the house. She was adorable, the size of my small dog at 12 lbs.

Tammy herded us into the kitchen where we met her parents and then we all stood around in the kitchen talking. The house smelled strongly of dog and even though she lived on 5 acres, there they were, all crammed in the house with us. Um, why? After awhile I asked to use the restroom. She showed me into the master bedroom and the adjoining bathroom. That's when I started to get an idea that something was a little off.

Her huge bathtub which would be divine to luxuriate in was filled with boxes of food and household supplies. Every surface in the bathroom was covered with something. Okay, so not a biggie. I was happy to be there and not really thinking about interior decorating.

We returned to the kitchen where we were forced to stand some more. No lunch was offered or a snack, even though she had invited us to come by and knew we were coming at lunchtime after a long road trip. She finally offered water and I managed to finangle a 7-Up out of her. I asked if I could have a tour of her house and she happily agreed.

The livingroom was full of dog kennels and dog food and water bowls. There were lighted scented candles all over the house, I think for our benefit. Every table top was covered and spilling over with stuff. The TV was on but muted. Boxes and junk covered the couch and the chairs. The dining room had a table but the chairs were full of odds and ends. There were dog pads for dogs to pee on inside. She brought me down to her parents room - the guestroom - and it was normal. That was because, as she explained, in order to have her parents come, her husband bought her a storage shed and she literally moved multiple boxes filled with debris out of that room into the outdoor shed.

Her own office was filled from top to bottom with paraphernalia, there was hardly any room for her to work in. When she opened her husbands office I stifled a gasp: it was stuffed literally floor to ceiling with boxes and junk and objects. She said that he needed to go through all of that and decide what he wanted to keep or get rid of. Just the sight of that job would break a strong man's spirit and I suspect that those weren't all of his possessions. That's when it finally dawned on me - she [and possible he] were hoarders.

And that's why we were all standing in the kitchen for our entire visit. There was no place to sit down in this 4 bedroom, 2 bath house. The second bathroom could not be used because it was completely crammed full. That's why she sent us to the one in her master bedroom. 

She led us back to the kitchen once more with the dogs and the lamb and that's when I noticed for the first time that all the counter space was full. She proudly told me they have 3 refrigerators and 3 freezers FULL of food!  This irony was not lost on my husband and I as we stood around starving at lunch time without the offer of a simple snack.  I couldn't even get a piece of cheese to nibble on! When we left I asked her if I could have a banana for the road and was relieved when she managed to part with it.

According to the Mayo Clinic: "People who engage in hoarding typically collect items because they believe these items will be needed or have value in the future. A person also may hoard items that he or she feels have important emotional significance -- serving as a reminder of happier times, for example, or representing beloved people or pets. People who hoard may report feeling safer when surrounded by the things they collect."

That is certainly true of my ex-husband. There were times in the last 10 years when I would go to his house if he was out of town and load up 10 bags of garbage and throw them out, just to make some space for my son who lived with him half the time.

Hoarding animals is common, says the Mayo. People who hoard animals may collect dozens or even hundreds of pets. They usually hoard animals that can be confined inside and concealed more easily. Because of their sheer numbers, these animals often aren't cared for properly. Veterinarians may be the first to notice signs of animal hoarding when owners seek help for a steady stream of sick or injured pets.

We all have our issues, our neuroses, our addictions, our flaws. Seeing it up close and completely unexpected was startling but it's also not as horrible as say, Meth addiction or dying from Lou Gehrigs disease. But I could see that my friend's future was going to be one of isolation and loneliness if nothing changes.