So I went to my nerdy-nerd conference in Long Beach, CA this week. It's where a bunch of us nerds in our nerdy profession get together and go to break-out sessions and listen to keynote speakers and eat at silly luncheons. And I got my full massive dose of radiation daily from the Fukushima Power Plant. [Thank you TECO!]

I shared hotel rooms and dinners. We brainstormed new business ideas. I hadn't seen most of these people in 8 years and it looked like they were all wearing old people make-up with their new jowels and 20 extra lbs. and wrinkles. Jeez!

I spent the week scratching myself silly as a rash spread over my body. And of course I'm so busy I can't go to a Dr. and apparently Southern California no longer carries hydrocortizone cream so I scratch and scratch at the rash that I'm sure I got from Joe the dog. It can't be a good thing when your dog spends half the day in the carcass of a dead elk and then cuddles next to you at night. I'm probably dying from dead elk tick fever. Or something.

So it's time for me to fly home yesterday and I get as far as Phoenix. Then it's time to get on the plane to Colorado and I'm directed to an airplane the size of a tunafish can.

"Um...is this going to Colorado?" I asked the stewardess?

"Yes it is!" she said perkily.

There were 9 whole rows in the plane! And I was lucky enough to get the last row jammed next to the window. I had been waiting for hours for a cup of coffee.

"Do you serve coffee?" I asked.

"Nope! Just cold drinks. This is Phoenix!" Perky told me. No coffee?

I make small talk with the man jammed in the back row with me and then we take off. The stewardess says things on the microphone that nobody can hear or understand. But I do hear the words: white wine. No! I need my caffeine! Then the turbulence hit.

The airplane dropped 3 ft. down and shuddered in the wind. The man next to me closed his eyes. The very much in love couple in the row ahead of me clung to each other. The stewardess slammed into the seat next to her. She was taking drink orders. Suddenly I realized why they don't serve coffee. When she finally made it to me I chirped: "White wine please!" I saw the writing on the wall.

She handed out the drinks and practically threw me the small bottle of wine before strapping herself in. I calmly poured a little and took little sips as the plane plummeted and climbed and shook. The woman in front of me was pretty sure this was the end. The man next to me wouldn't open his eyes. [So much for chivalry! I think.]  During the next calm spot, while the woman in front was hyperventilating I leaned in and told her: "You should have ordered the chardonnay." The entire airplane laughed. Apparently sound travels when you're traveling in a tunafish can.

My son who recently graduated from Basic Training in the Air Force and is being deployed to Korea for one year [Korea?!] told me he feels like Indianna Jones. So while the plane was batted around I kept telling myself: "I am Indianna JonesIamIndianna Jones I am...."  You get the idea. It's hard to be afraid when you're Indianna Jones. 

Somehow we made it and the airplane landed and the Pilot hopped out like some outback pilot from Alaska. Good I'm home. Maybe I can get some hydrocortizone now.