I Don't Understand Anything Anymore (Part 1)

Debra Victoroff

Debra Victoroff
New York, New York, USA
September 11
Warner Brothers
Writer, editor, singer, artist. Still adore Obama. He is brilliant, sincere, unpretentious, classy. A true leader, gazing down, bemused, as the petty GOP contenders claw each other's eyes out like 13 year old girls. The country is poised on the edge of recovery, thanks to his steady hand: unemployment is down, the stock market is up, the car industry is back in business, and banks are paying back the bailout money, with profits going to the government. Bin Laden is dead, and our boys are coming back from Iraq, just as he promised. If only he could get his jobs bill past the obstructionist Republicans, who are willing to destroy the middle class simply to regain power, this country would be back on its feet in no time! So glad there is absolutely no competition for his office. All the sane Republicans know there's not one among them that could handle the most difficult job in the world, so they're in hiding, while their two representatives, Romney (aka Romney-the-Dog-Abuser) and Gingrich (aka Gingrich-the-Wife-Abuser) battle it out.

JANUARY 28, 2009 1:39PM

My 25 (as assigned by O'Steph)

Rate: 19 Flag

My 25 List:  (the hardest thing I think I’ve ever been “assigned”)


1.  I am completely turned off by photos of men in sleeveless T-shirts no matter how lovely their bodies are (the one exception being Marlon Brando).  On the other hand, a man in a uniform, and I mean almost any uniform, is a turn on.


2. The actor Bill Murray asked me to shoot hoops with him in his private basketball court.  I am a terrible basketball player, otherwise I would have said yes.


3.     I love books that involve humans in perilous circumstances.  Don’t know why, but devoured “Into the Wild”, “Into Thin Air”, “Alive” and the tale of Ernest Shackleton.  I’m attracted to risk takers (I am not one myself), and these stories give me hope and insight into how strong we can be when things are at their worst.


4.     I sometimes wonder how I would hold up under torture since I would tell you anything if you simply refused to serve me coffee in the morning.


5.     I took a Bikeroads tour to New Zealand and did two “Centuries” which means I pedaled 100 miles in a day (twice).  I came in last, but I did it.


6.     On that same trip, I stood on the original bridge (at Kawarau) where bungee jumping was first started, and tried to get myself to get in line to do it but I chickened out.  Sort of regret it.


7.     I keep my pillow cases in the refrigerator in the hot summer nights so they’re nice and  cold when I slip them on my pillows at night.


8.     I love to write almost more than anything, and love being alone to indulge, but sometimes get lonely.


9.     I hate to talk on the phone.  One of my brothers hates to do email.  Therefore we seldom communicate.


10.  I have 4 brothers by my dad’s marriage to my mom, and two half brothers by his two other wives.  No sisters which is why my female friends are so important to me.


11.  I am totally into tornados and wish I had the nerve to be a “storm-chaser”.  I own 6 tornado videos.  It’s kind of like my porn.


12.  If I had to choose between being invisible, being able to fly, or being able to time travel, I think I’d choose being invisible.  I would like to know what Bill and Hilary talk about over dinner.


13.  I’m such a good listener, I sometimes forget to contribute.  I’d make an excellent therapist.


14.  I’m not that into chocolate.


15.  I have never made a turkey.


16.  The first piece of sushi I ever tasted was Uni (sea urchin) after which I couldn’t even look at sushi for 6 months.  It was like eating a ball of snot.  Someone made me try again, and now I love it.


17.  Borrowing from O’Steph’s list: I am a compulsive editor and can find a typo or grammatical error in any book you give me, no matter who has edited it previously.


18.  I am an excellent skeet and trap shooter.  


19.  I was attacked while jogging many years ago, and the very next day and for the next 7 days went out running along that same route, sort of in defiance.  The 8th day, I became paralyzed with fear, and have never run that route again.


20.  Everyone in my family is a scuba diver, including me, and we get along best together when we’re all underwater and unable to speak other than hand gestures. 


21.  I am terrified of spiders and totaled my dad’s car (and broke my nose) when one fell on my leg when I was driving.  I watched it crawl up my skirt and forgot that I was driving until the front of my car smashed into the back of someone else’s.  The next day, the local newspaper’s headline was: “The Little Miss Muffed It”.  Took years to live that down.


22.  On the way to a Grateful Dead concert, an old boyfriend disappeared into a brownstone with some shady characters.  He came out with some crystal cocaine which we smoked at the concert.  Fantastic!  I immediately wanted more.  Later, we found out it was also called “crack”.  I never had it or cocaine again.


23.  I had a bad experience with Tequila as well as a bad experience with (American) Guinness (which is different than the Guinness you get in Ireland), and I can’t drink or be near either.


24.  I envy Tina Fey.  She has the ideal life, and is truly, truly talented.


25.  I fear Alzheimer’s more than any other fate.  Whenever I can’t think of a word, my heart clutches.  A friend of mine was diagnosed with pre-frontal-dementia at age 47 and died at 51.  She was as special as anyone I’ve ever met and is the proof to the adage, “The good die young”.

copyright: dcvdickens 2009



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This is an awesome list. I can relate to many of them. I have no sisters either so I my girlfriends are important to me.
Sorry to here about you being attacked while jogging, you should face your fear and try to jog that route again, slowly work yourself into it.
"The only thing you have to fear is true fear itself"--The Gift of fear (really awesome book a must read)
I used be afraid of water after I almost drowned trying to save a friend. I face that fear a few years later when I had teach my girls how to swim, I face it head on and just jump off a bridge into the river. Hey it worked (sink or swim that is how learned in the first place) No it wasn't that tall of a bridge but still the same. Now you can't get me away from water again.
The number Yes! I couldn't agree more on the whole thing.
Marlon Brando looked good in anything, a men uniform any uniform is a total turn on..LOL

Awesome Thank you sharing
Now do your 27 things you want to do before you die list. SMILES!
These are funny and interesting! Thanks!
I am totally into tornados and wish I had the nerve to be a “storm-chaser”. I own 6 tornado videos. It’s kind of like my porn

Come to Kansas in May little Dorothy Dickens !

I could pick out so many more here ....2nd fav , " little miss muffed
it " ......hilarious .

Very thoughtfully done and revealing .

And it IS harder than you think right ?

Now, the 27 things before you die ( or get Alzheimers )
Are we related? I kept nodding, "me too!" as I read your list. I love the tornado porn. I am totally with you on #8,9,12,13,17,21 (the spider part, not the car crash part),24, and 25. I WISH I didn't like chocolate! Fun list.
Good girl!!!
This more than completes your assignment.
At school now, so have only read a few but will be back tonight!
Excellent list. Smart, funny, insightful, courageous. A+

Oh wait, that's O'Steph's job. Tough, rating it anyway.
GREAT LIST! I say as I wear my uniform... ;-)
I think I'm in love! Or maybe really strong like. Your assignment is late but well worth the wait. I'm very impressed Miss Dickens. Baking a turkey is over rated. Tornadoes are fascinating to me, but I copy the Discovery channel. I got my Open water certificate in '85. Never considered bungee but would love to jump out of a plane before I die. Excellent list.
Do you wonder if they put something in our water in Cleveland? This is an extraordinary list Missy.
I couldn't help but love the headline from the newspaper after your spider accident. Was that by any chance the CJN?
Rated. We need to meet for coffee (without torture).
Excellent list, certainly resonates with me (except # 14...). For me it isn't uniforms-- but a man in black? Follow him anywhere. Loved Paladin.

Invisible sounds cool.
good list--I can relate to the last one since my mother had dementia. I also think I'm getting dementia every time I forget something.

I still have not done this list. I guess I would think it would be hard to think of 25 things that clever.
We are similar in many ways.

As for # 3 and #12, have written blogs that relate. My Antarctica series has a part where we visit South Georgia Island. Also, I lived in Chappaqua and did go to dinner with the Clintons (they talked septic system level).
Billy Murray didn't care if you could shoot hoops !? Why oh why didn't you play with him? -- that sounds more suggestive than I meant it to be. You know I hate the telephone, right? It's almost at a phobic level, which is why I quickly E-mailed you telling you you didn't have to call me about my SL story.... Your oldest brother feels the same (about the phone, not necessarily my story). When I was younger all of my friends used to be men. As I got older I wised up and appreciate my women friends so much (this also might have something to do with the fact that I have a brother, a husband, two sons and a grandson). My birth father supposedly died of early on-set Alzheimer's. I am therefore terrified. Your brother, the expert, and the one that doesn't like the internet, really helped me learn about it. If you're in crisis I'm sure he'll do the same.

Remember, you promised to visit!
I have never made a turkey.

Oh sweetie. You can't make a turkey. You see when a male turkey and a female turkey love each other very much they can do the gobble, gobble dance and THEY can make a turkey.

You can, however, watch Sarah Palin pardon a turkey then stand in front of others being slaughtered. ;P

You have quite a few stories in here, girl.
" I hate to talk on the phone. One of my brothers hates to do email. "
That is me. I just get more and more anxious until I can hang up. One woman I told this to I eventually had to hang up on. I warned here.
This is my pick.
Pick another.
Thanks. As a strong and resolute male I can't agree with driving into the car in front of me because of a spider. Men don't do that! We drive into the ditch.

And I'm pretty sure I'd admit to being the 20th hijacker if the CIA withheld my morning coffee.
Fireeyes - Thank you for your encouragement! Now I have to think about my "27 Before I Die" list which ought to take me another 2 weeks... the first thing on the list will be "write a list of 27 things to do before I die."

Zumalicious - Thank you! I'm looking for yours now...

Trig - Kansas in May? Do you have a guest room? Yes, yes, my 27. I forget, what was that about?

Lisa - At the very least we're "arachnophobia sisters"!

O'Steph - Thank you! I am glad you pushed me to complete this... tough love works.

Sally - Oh my God, I think this is the first A+ I ever got on anything! And coming from you I am intensely flattered. (O'Steph, did you see that?)

Greg - "Uniform" includes, in your case, the beret and trumpet of a jazz man. Cool and sexy.

Michael - Jumping out of an airplane is typically something people do immediately before they die, that's for sure... and I am very proud to have impressed you. btw - have you been to Bonaire? Exquisite diving.

Cartouche - my love. Thank you! I would love to meet you for any beverage at all. The paper was The Cleveland Press. And yes, there was certainly something in the water in Cleveland. After all, we still hold the dubious honor of having our Cuyahoga River catch on fire.

O'Kathryn - I do like men in black as well, as long as they're not trying too hard. Ya know?

Joan K - The 25 is tough. It takes some thought. But once you get started, they kind of pour out of you! So I am assigning you to do yours. It takes a push from someone else (as O'Steph did for me).

Lea - Dinner with the Clintons??! My God, and you weren't even invisible. And let me tell you again how marvelous your Antarctic series was. That trip is now on my 27 list (if I ever get that together).

Denese - I love you and had no idea you didn't like the phone. That must be why we are constantly emailing. Re: Alzheimers: apparently sardines are one of the weapons of defense. Ugh.

Mungular - My pal!! "Making a turkey" - you are too goddamn funny. I suppose if I did "make a turkey" the way you are suggesting it would be one of the all time great posts. And of course, then I'd have to protect my little poulet from Sarah Palin's world of grinders.

O'Steph - Thank you my mentor. And OK, I'm picking. (wish I had more stuff to pick from... not as prolific as you!)

Monte - You have more control than I, for sure. If the spider had been just a wee bit smaller, I might have made it into a ditch. But it was big! You're driving on our next road trip, OK?

Steve - Wow! Thank you! Let's hope the CIA isn't monitoring our lists. You and I would be spending our next few years breakfasting at Gitmo. (But maybe not, now that Obama is prez!)
Okay, you've obviously never seen Tommy Lee Jones in Coal Miner's Daughter in the motel scene or you'd have to add him to your list of exceptions. MB has nothin on Tommy Lee.

Other than that, how very cool your life has been, and a little scary. Great post.
Latethink - OK, you're on, I'm renting "Coal Miner's Daughter". I do so love Tommy Lee Jones... Thank you!!
Thanks for making my list look lame.

"little miss muffed it" reminded me of the time I overdid the tequila at a work party and was hitting on a girl named Leah, telling her she could be my princess. They called me princess at work for months after that.

Tequila is still my preferred drink. How's that for facing your fears?
I've been sort of missing you around her! So I decided to drop by and revisit your list.
You should go to my blog and check out the very surreal world of Miracle Whip vs. Mayonnaise. It's...really, really amazing.
Passion, pathos, brave tales of redemption, personal secrets revealed. Who knew?
I suspect you and I will share a glass or two while dipping foodstuffs into a mayonnaise based recipient when I see you in NYC. (Plans are being made - I'll email you soon!)
Cap'nParrot - Tequila is my nemesis and from your little anecdote, ought to be yours as well! Your love of the little bastard beverage is like being bitten by mean dog and then adopting the dog! I suppose it means you have a heart of gold, or at least, the constitution of that metal...

Aim - thanks for your (re) visit! (I was away this weekend so have missed a lot...). I'll head over to your Mayo post, since anyone who can make Mayo interesting is a true artiste! I really look so forward to meeting you - send me details when you know them. I'll bring the Hellmann's.