Everyone else is doing a list, and if everyone else jumped off a cliff, well, I wouldn't. But making a list is hardly jumping off a cliff....
Holiday gatherings provide the opportunity to relish quality time with family, friends, or coworkers, but that's only if you really enjoy your family, friends, and coworkers. Because I don't want to offend my family (and because they know tons of embarrassing things I've said), I won't identify which of these things were said at family gatherings, friend gatherings, or coworker gatherings.
10. said as someone tried to clear the air after a squabble:
"Hey!! Everybody get in here NOW! I've got something to say!"
(Muttered) "Well, since you put it so nicely..."
9. me: "I'm thinking I may not want to have any kids."
M: "That may be a good idea because--(his 3-year-old daughter traipses in) Hey, hey, hey!!! Look who's here!! What do you want, baby?"
8. said to me, as I tried to hand someone a program of Gospel music:
"Thanks, but I'm trying to quit."
7. me, driving around looking for a house that my only my copilot had been to before
Me: "Do you remember what it looks like or what it's near or anything about it?"
Me: "Do you have Louise's number?"
Copilot: "I don't have her number. Let's call Louise and ask her what her number is."
6. OK-not a holiday gathering ... said as a house, which had NEVER flooded before, began to flood during Katrina:
wife to husband: "M., the house is flooding. What are we gonna do about the kids?!?"
Husband: "Get out the air mattresses."
Wife: "Nobody wants to take a nap right now!"
(I don't know which response was weirder.)
5. "We've got people from all religions here this year. We've got Baptists and Catholics."
4. "Thanksgiving came on a Thursday this year!" (said with no irony)
3. "Oh!! Yay!!!!! I've been wanting a snuggie!" (again, no irony)
2. (said after I jokingly stole someone's seat, and the mistress of the proceedings didn't know that it wasn't supposed to be mine)
Mistress: "M____, that's her seat!"
M: (yelling)" !@#% #^# $&^% #^#% #%^%$^# then!"
Someone else: "Let's get quiet. It's time to read from the Gospel of Luke."
1. "Structurally, it's a very sound trailer. And it's at the front of the trailer court, away from the riff raff in back."
(Nothing against trailers, but if you live in a place with hurricanes, is there such a thing as a structurally sound trailer? And can riff raff not walk to the front of the trailer park?)