"It could tear a hole in the space-time continuum."  That is the reason I gave for not meeting OS friends recently.  Cheeky but true.  We have to think of the little people, I said.  We have to put them before our own selfish needs.

It may also be because I am butt ugly.

(Here I am...or maybe this is from buttuglyfishing.com.)

I'd hate to disappoint my adoring public.  They only see the carefree, effervescent me--like the foam from an Alkaseltzer tablet.  I don't want to pop their bubbles.

In my twenties, which seem worlds away now that I am 32 and have been through quite a bit in the last few years, I spent too much time on internet dating.  I was totally dismissive of meeting people online, until several friends--some of my most NORMAL friends--actually had some good experiences.

My own experiences were quite mixed.  There was the guy who was nice on the phone, who showed up with a thoughtful present, but who, in the middle of small talk, bent down to take a looooong whiff of the wine.

In the middle of the Olive Garden. 

He pronounced it, "Fruity, yet with a nuanced texture" or some such.  Things went downhill quickly.

There were more.  Ones who liked me more than I liked them.  Ones I liked more than they liked me.  Lightning, in the sense of a thrilling connection, never struck for me or them. 

It got even worse as I gained weight. There was the guy with a considerable gut, quite a bit more overweight than I, who looked me up and down disapprovingly.  He was grumpy, disinterested, and told me I had a horrible picture.

I remember my uncle telling me the story of a girl he worked with who had had many dates, but then she gained weight and got bad skin.  He had decided, to borrow from another guy at work, that this girl was "past her sell-by date."  At times, people have looked at me this way.  They have made it known, subtly and not-so-subtly. 

And there are always plenty of people who want you only for one thing.  That's right.  My awesome sticker collection.

You should see my unicorn stickers. And no, you can't have one.

What does online dating have to do with OS?  Not much, in the sense I came here to write before anything else, but the disappointment factor looms large.  It's similar to reading a book from a great author, then going to the reading and book signing.  It is often awkward.  The dream was better than the reality.

Yet I feel that I have made geniune connections here, ones that are making me rethink what I like to call my hermit policy.  Maybe I will venture out into the light.  Cautiously, I take a few steps.  Soon, I may even admit that I am really a burly man named Ike.

__________________________________________________

stickers from sodahead.com, because I am not ready to reveal my REAL stickers yet..if you loved me you wouldn't ask