Chatting extensively with a male friend (not to be confused with a 'boyfriend') who has been perplexed lately over a colleague from his workplace. They met innocently enough at a local nightclub and he showed me the picture of the two of them mugging for the camera…except, that the picture showed more than a little interest passing between them.

So, they've started chatting online and at work; she's married, he's not. He's fit and good-looking; she's young and sexy by almost anyone's standards. He tells me he's clear that he doesn't want to date her…or anyone who is already taken. She's been just as clear that the only thing stopping her from pursuing him further is the ring around her finger.

What's even more curious is that she seems to be 'substituting' a girlfriend of hers for him to date…a surrogate?  We make these connections, usually with members of the opposite sex, all the time. Sometimes we let them come and go as fleeting fancies, other times, it can become a bit of an obsession. It is apparent to me that they have the hots for each other…the reason is under their noses…literally!

The culprit is not within our control, as humans, we are programmed to release a chemical scent called a pheromone which draws us together…or drives us apart. Morality and ethical standards have set up certain conditions that we CHOOSE to abide by, but by no means should anyone be fooled into believing that we can stop our bodies from signalling our desires to others. It's a pure chemical reaction and we're helpless to prevent the message from being broadcast without our 'permission'.

We may tell ourselves that we are not going to get interested in someone who is not an acceptable choice, but we have already sent-and-received that message. Then, it's a matter of sticking to our own standards for continuing…or discontinuing…interactions with that person. We are constantly doing battle with our hormones, over our 'good judgment' and sense of morality. Usually we win, sometimes though, the pheromones do.

According to Wikipedia, "A pheromone is a chemical signal that triggers a natural response in another member of the same species. There are…sex pheromones, and many others that affect behavior or physiology."

None of us can control our scent; even if you try to mask it with cologne, perfume, aftershaves, or deodorant, our nose…and the brain that processes these smells below the level of consciousness…knows the difference. If the smell signal that you two are 'right', hormonally, it doesn't matter that you concern that person off-limits in some reasonable way. The base urge to mate can, and sometimes does, defeat our willpower. It is this battle with the body's chemicals that can be hard to win in the long-run when you are exposed to another's signals…especially if you're re-exposed to that person over and over, such as at work or within social circles.

So, back to this friend of mine. He is intrigued by this co-worker…and this concept of pheromones. I confirmed that, based on the information that he gave me, they are battling their mutual scents. Sparks continue to fly, and, I have no doubt that they'd be compromising their ethics as well, if they had less willpower. Needless-to-say, this scenario is being repeated all over the world; chances are extremely good that you yourself have been 'in battle' many times…and will again.

Don't be confused the next time you have this situation pop up in your own life. If you're asking yourself whether this can be love, probably not, more likely your bodies are trying to tell you that you just wanna have sex! This is where having a strong moral code and set of ethics comes in handy…J

Yours Truly, deLuvDoc