Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 24, 2009 9:36AM
Flexible Metal Superheroes and my Dad's Frilly Shirts
I think I was nine when I came up with Alumanum (sic) Man. Like many guys, I spent my boyhood deeply immersed in various fantasies worlds, be they filled with superheroes, space ships or Godzilla. Unlike most guys, I never really moved past that.
There are no surviving photos of me dressed as Alumanum Man, but this representation is fairly accurate, from what I can recall. The hat was a two-gallon milk jug, wrapped in tin foil with a head-hole cut out of it. (Note the "2%" on the forehead.) The cape was one of my mom's old, red night gowns. The clingy, seventies nylon draped nicely off my shoulders. It also flowed well in the wind whenever I needed to chase villains on foot.
The shirt was this massive, white frilly number commandeered from my dad's fife-and-drum corps uniform. The fife-and-drum were a revolutionary war re-creationist branch of the Shriners who performed in parades playing (big surprise!) fifes -- sort of a flute/recorder hybrid -- and drums. My dad was a fife man.
The pants were rolled up jeans with buttons holding them up. The one on the right is actually a Mork-and-Mindy button that read "Nanoo Nanoo."
The socks were white knee-highs again from my dad's fife-and-drum get-up that I neatly rolled down to mid-shin. At this point, you probably think that my dad was some kind of weird, flute-playing fruitcake, but I assure you, he's all manly man and could probably kick your dad's ass. In fact, he knows taekwondo, which he rarely used on us kids. And when he did, it was purely for comedic affect.
Anyway, I don't remember Alumanum Man's powers. I do, however, remember running around my neighborhood, mom's synthetic nightgown flowing in the wind, yelling, "I am Alumanunununuman Man!" because for most pre-pubescents, deliberating mispronouncing big words like aluminum is comic gold.
He also had a bitchin' utility belt. That coiled tube on the right was used as some kind of P.A. system or bugle -- clearly to make up for my dad's girly little fife. It consisted of a length of garden hose with a funnel crammed into one end. In other words, my nine-year-old superhero creation walked around unknowingly with a beer bong in his belt.
I was truly ahead of my time.
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Comments
Girls dressed up in the privacy of their rooms - I always envied guys for being bold and going public.
RATED for the fun of it all